RED

This movie is a lot of fun. I had to pee so bad it hurt but I couldn't make myself leave the theater because I had to see what happened next.

Its that good.


Its way over the top action fun, but the dialogue is witty and you can tell everyone involved is just having a good time.

Plus Helen Mirren fires a 50 cal machine gun while in formal evening dress. Every word in that sentence should make you want to see this movie.

Secretariat

I saw this Thursday night and I really liked it. They do a great job of showcasing Virginia horse country. I've only been out there twice, but its just as gorgeous as it looks in the movie.

Fun Fact: The farm where Secretariat was filmed is now the site for the VA state fair.

The shots of the races are also really well done. I guess this movie is a bit like Titanic, in that you already know how it ends, but they do a good job building up the tension anyway, and its just fun to watch the horses run.

Since we all know Secretariat is awesome, they build drama with the owner's story. I did wonder if her husband was as much of a jerk as he's protrayed. I think they might have beefed that up to make it more dramatic.

Its a good film though and an excellent one to see in the theater. Even if there's some dude snoring through the first third.

(Seriously, why did it take so long for whoever was next to him to wake him up?)

Alice in Wonderland

I liked it. I didn't love it, but I liked it. I wouldn't see it in 3D though, the 3D made parts of it hard to see and follow. I think I would have liked it better if I had just seen it normal. I liked all the Wonderland references, I liked his version of Wonderland, especially the Bandersnatch and the card soldiers. Helena Bonham Carter is awesome, Johnny Depp is Willy Wonka with new hair, and Anne Hathoway is horrible. Shortest review ever eh? I did two hours of Krav tonight and my hands are shaking.

Percy Jackson Review

*SPOILER ALERT* *This review contains spoilers*

The movie is okay, which is kind of a bummer because I was really excited for it. Its directed by the same guy who directed the first Harry Potter movie, and like that movie, it has some pacing issues.

I mean it is slooooow. It's only a 2 hour movie, but it felt like three. And sometimes it was really boring.

The best part was when they battle Medusa. That was actually exciting, scary, and the effects were really good. Everything else was kinda ... 'meh'

Storywise they changed a lot of things, and removed a lot of plot points that will make it much harder to make any of the other stories. For example, they took out everything involving prophecies, the oracle, the titans, and why the big 3 can't have children.

Instead, the just say that kids for the big 3 are "rare" and gods aren't interacting with their children because it just makes them too human. Seriously. They also reveal that Poseidon is Percy's father right away, so that whole mystery of finding out is gone as well.

Also the gods are still hanging out in togas and Greek armor, which made me sad. I liked how in the books, each one had modernized according to their personality.

They also combined Annabeth with the daughter of Aries that is always kicking Percy's butt. I can't remember her name, but the overall effect is Annabeth: Warrior Princess. They also took out the fact that Annabeth is in love with Luke, and she starts flirting with Percy from the moment they meet. They also downplay Percy's friendship with Luke, so at the end, when Luke's big reveal happens, there's no crushing sense of betrayal. Annabeth and Percy are more like, "Hey look! That smarmy jerk had it the whole time!"

My advice? Netflix it.

GI Joe

Not as bad as Batman and Robin. But its pretty bad. Some of the dialogue is laugh out loud awful, and most of the time the story line is pretty silly, but the action scenes are cool if you don't think about them too much (how are they screaming under water? And, for that matter, how are so many things burning? Under water? Don't think about it. Just don't think about it.) Anytime the ninjas were on screen it was cool. Snake eyes was awesome, and his fight scenes with Storm Shadow were intense. The rest...well, try not to think about it too much, or you'll find yourself wondering just how someone becomes a low level maintenance tech on a sonic pulse cannon hidden on a secret evil base deep in the arctic ocean. Seriously, did they place a want ad? Craig's list? Evil Merchant Marine? Also, if you eject while the plane is currently out of the atmosphere don't you just...die? Float and die? These are just some of the questions I pondered during the course of the movie, despite my attempts at trying not to think about it. Also, that whole, "I was forced to do it by the millions of tiny, evil, nano machines in my brain" is like the oldest line in the book. Its up there with the twinkie defense.

Aliens vs. Monsters

I saw this on Friday, in IMAX 3D, and I thought it was really good. It made me laugh. The 3D was actually pretty cool. When the movie opened up with a space scene, and these 3D rock rings were orbiting a planet, every kid in the theater went "oooohhhhhhhh"

The glasses are these big plastic things though, so after awhile, they really start to press on your face. I was glad the movie was only an hour and a half, because my nose and ears were really starting to feel the pinch.

I think one of my favorite parts was when the president, voiced by Stephen Colbert, attempted to make contact with the giant alien robot by playing 80s music on a synthesizer.


Just thinking about it makes me laugh.

Stuff and Thingies

I just got back from seeing Coraline, and as a stop motion movie, it's a work of art. I'll give it mad props for the work that went into it. As a story, it was one of the creepiest things I've ever seen. That kind of things that will haunt your nightmares, and evil will forever bear the shrill nasal qualities of Teri Hatcher.

Brrrrr.

Children to the left of me, "Mommy this movie is scary."

Children to the right of me, "I don't want to watch this anymore!"

And I was leaving the theater I overheard a guy tell his girlfriend that the kid next to him was in tears.

So this might be a good one to skip taking your little ones to.

Also, how on earth did they get a PG rating when there's an entire scene featuring an old lady with enormous breasts wearing nothing but a thong and pasties?!

Again I say, Brrrr!!!

On to something not quite so scaring, last night I went with BSA to the Kennedy Center to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Company perform their 50th anniversary concert special. Or something like that.

Little did we know that President Obama would also be in attendance. This meant that not only was every cop in DC stationed around the Kennedy center, but that I also had to go through security. I did not dress for security. I had metal on my shirt, belt, and shoes. So I had to get wanded.

Now I can say that I've been in the same room as the President though. Never actually saw him, since I was in the balcony, and he was seated below us, but I did see loads of crazy people crowding the railing in an attempt to see him, despite the stern looks of one lone secret service agent. It got to the point where I feared I'd see someone go overboard, but the ushers finally came and broke it up.

The dancing was beautiful. They started with a short video talking about Alvin Ailey, how he built his school, and what they're doing now. Then they danced, all kinds of styles to all kinds of music. My favorites in the first third was a solo by a woman in a beautiful white dress, who danced to a musical version of the Lord's prayer, and a dance where all the dancers were supposed to be water.

There were two exceptionally long intermissions, and the final act was a performance of "Revelations" a dance that Alvin Ailey choreographed in the 60s. It was all set to gospel music and it was amazing.

I loved it.

Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace picks up right where Casino Royale left off, so you'll want to watch that again before you go see this.

Trust me. I was lucky because one of my friends had a blackberry and looked up the plot line before the movie started. (We got there early for good seats) Otherwise I would have spent the entire movie going "Wait, who are these people again?"

It was quite good, including chases by land, sea and air. I like this new move to make Bond movies action movies instead of Bond movies. Because the standard Bond movie drives me crazy.

You'll want to sit farther back in the theater though. Some of the action scenes happen very fast, and if you're too close it's just big blurs flashing across the scene with crashes and gun shots.

I liked it, although the first one was a little better, Quantum was still an exciting movie. I have one critique with the end, but I don't want to spoil it.

I LOVE M's cool computer stuff.

Hot Chocolate

I love the fall, except for the fact that it's now cold and dark when I get up in the morning. Once we get to full on winter, the sun won't rise until almost my second hour of work.

So occasionally I like to reward myself for making it out of bed by getting a hot chocolate for the road.

I usually get Starbucks, with their rich blend of cocoa and steamed whole milk. Hmmm, it's good stuff.

Today, they had something new. "Salted Caramel Chocolate" Wow, I thought to myself, that sounds disgusting. I must try it.

It was surprisingly delicious. The caramel had the slightly burned, slightly bitter taste of the goo you get with flan. So it was rich without being overly sweet.

If you like caramel, it's definitely worth a try.

Also, I went to the movies with some friends from work, and saw Eagle Eye: The IMAX experience.

It was better than I thought it would be. And even when he's 20 feet tall, Shia Leboef is still the kid from Holes.

Although the beard helps. A little.

Boo-Yah

I can't wait to see this movie.

Last week I saw Hancock, which was pretty good. A Will Smith comedy wrapped around a surprisingly tragic love story. I was thoroughly entertained. It has quite a bit of swearing though, for those of you with urchins.

I also saw Wall-e, which I loved. Only Pixar could make a cockroach look cute. Although it wasn't working for the guy behind me, who would "Eww" everytime the bug came on screen.

It's a pretty dark view of humanity's future, but it still comes off as a hopeful movie. There's hardly any dialogue, but with his huge expressive eyes, Wall-e doesn't really need a lot of dialogue.

My favorite? Mo and the crazy robot brigade.

Saturday Update

It's freaking hot. And humid. I got up this morning, and all our windows were steamed up.

August weather has come early, and I'm living in nature's sauna.

I was going to go to a Demolition Derby tonight, but with the heat wave and the 90% humidity, everyone's canceling out.

So instead, I went and saw Kung Fu Panda. It was a charming story, funny and absolutely gorgeous. It just had some stunning animation and the gorgeous backgrounds you see in most Chinese Kung Fu flicks.

Mr. Bean's Holiday

My brother recommended this movie to me, and it was pretty funny. Mr Bean wins a trip to France, but the only French he knows is "oui" "non" and "gracias" My favorite part was when he was in a French restaurant, and he's just saying "oui" to whatever he's asked, and the waiter offers him something called "The Fruits of the Sea" and then brings out this enormous bowl of ice, with a bunch of dead sea creatures, all in their shells and puts it out in front of him.

I thought this was especially funny, since it once happened to me.

My roomies and I went to a French restaurant in Alexandria called Les Galois. It was winter, and soup sounded really good to me, so I ordered the bouillabaisse, which is a seafood stew.

Now usually, in the restaurants around here, they bring you the bowl, and in the bottom there's a mound of all the good stuff that's in the soup. Meat, veggies, whatever, and then the water dramatically pours the broth in over the top. It's very entertaining, and that's what I was expecting them to do. Instead, they brought me this enormous soup bowl, full of shrimp, mussels, and clams, all still in their shells.

At the bottom of the bowl were two enormous chunks of fish, each big enough to be an entree in its own right, and I didn't realize they were there until halfway through the soup, because of all the shells on top. It was an interesting soup. A lot of work to eat.

I just started piling shells on my breadplate after getting the meat out of them. At one point, DFL asked me, "So how's the soup?"
I said, "I don't know. There are too many dead animals in the way."
To which she closed her eyes and said, "Can't you just call it seafood?"

They also didn't appreciate my puppet show, wherein Bob the shrimp head searched the bowl for his bottom half.

Penelope

I really liked this. It's hasn't been getting a lot of advertising which is a shame. It's a modern fairy tale about a girl who's born with a pig nose and it's great.

Let's see if I can't find a preview. Ah, thank you, Youtube:



It has the same charming tone that Pushing Daisies does, with the narration and the bright colors. It also has a really good message, and parts of it are just hilarious. I definitely recommend seeing it.

I also saw Spiderwick, which I liked, but was a little more frustrating. I spent the whole movie saying "Why doesn't he just leave the Stupid BOOK in the STUPID HOUSE!! How many times does he have to be told!!"

But maybe that's just me. :)

Movies, Bread, and Mission Impossible

Because I get a little random when I'm tired.

I went and saw National Treasure 2 tonight. It was a very fun movie. After watching it, I think Mount Vernon should build a secret passageway, complete with creepy spywebs, leading from the stables out to the GW parkway.

Or the parking lot. Whichever.

Dude. Mission Impossible is on!! Yeah for cable running old old reruns. I forgot Peter Graves was Mr. Phelps. "Your mission Jim..."

Anyway, sorry, NT2 also features the Library of Congress. The Library is my favorite building in the city, so I was happy that others get to see how beautiful it is. It's not really the first thing you think about touring when you come to DC.

I'm baking bread. Because, what else are you going to do at 12 on a Sat night?

Actually, I really wanted to try my new bread maker, so I started a loaf at 5. I didn't have to leave for the theater until 8, and I thought three hours would be plenty of time.

Laugh at my naivete. When I left, it still had 45 minutes to raise before the hour baking period started. Since I didn't want to leave it while I was at the theater, I stopped the machine. I checked it first thing when I got home. Luckily, it hadn't raised too much (I was picturing something out of I Love Lucy. An enormous dough monster devouring my kitchen or something) so I punched it down and put it in the oven. I had to guess at temp and time though, so this should be interesting.

Movie Reviews

Elizabeth:
I liked this movie, but I don't think everyone will. They didn't take as many liberties with history as they did in the first Cate Blanchett Elizabeth movie (Title: Elizabeth) which was nice, because I managed to resist the temptation to point out all the factual errors.

I'm sure the people with me appreciated it.

It was a very pretty movie. It was like the director thought to himself, "You know. Everyone already knows how the story ends (spoiler: Spain loses) but I have Cate Blanchett, and I have all these amazing costumes, so why not just make everything gorgeous."

Some of my favorite scenes: Elizabeth in a beautiful green dress positioning military units on an enormous map; Elizabeth in armor, delivering the historic speech modern screenwriters would have preferred her to give instead of her actual historic speech; and the Spanish Armada putting out to sea.

For some of the more squeamish among you: there is a scene of a guy getting his tongue cut out, some unpleasant torture scenes and one booty shot.

There's this whole romance sub-plot with Sir Walter Raleigh, because you simply can't make an Elizabeth docu-drama unless she's bravely pining for someone she can't have. It's like a Hollywood law or something.

The part that struck me, just because it was so accurate but not in the way the plot intends, is when Elizabeth discovers that one of her handmaidens has married without her consent and completely flips out.

That happened a couple of times during her reign. That was the one scene where I thought, "Here's the Elizabeth I've read and studied about. This is Henry VIII's daughter."


I also saw Dave in Real Life. Which was very cute. A great family movie that is all about relationships and love and values and all that warm and fuzzy stuff.

I just know more about Elizabeth than being a widower/advice columnist with three girls looking for love in middle age, so I can't really go into as much detail here.

It was pretty dang hilarious though.

Movie Review: The Seeker

My brother is in town! We met up Friday night for pizza and movie. Both of us were excited to see The Seeker. I read the Dark is Rising as a child, and I really liked it.

The movie was pretty good. Lots of cool special effects, especially when an evil security guard bursts into a flock of Ravens.

There are some pretty scary/intense moments too.

My favorite was the Old Lady guardian (Old One actually, but calling someone Old Lady Old One just sounds redundant.) You have to admire a woman who, hanging upside down and covered in snakes, calmly remarks "Could you please hurry. This is highly unpleasant."

There were some plot issues. They don't mention that Will is the seventh son of a seventh son until halfway through the movie, and it's a central plot point. There's a part where the Rider sends an attack of cold and water against the manor, and everyone's freezing and/or drowning and you find yourself wondering, "Why doesn't Will just use his fire powers to make everyone warm and/or dry?"

This question is never answered.

My other main beef was with the casting of the Rider. This character is supposed to be darkness personified. The very embodiment of evil. And they cast a guy who looks like he should be teaching seventh grade math.

The Riders guide to acting evil:

1. Don't emote. Most of the time your in a mask anyway. So all you really have to master is the evil eyebrow tilt.

2. Don't use any inflection when you speak. Ever. This lead to a fun game of "Talk like the Rider" when Jon and I left the theater.

Other than that it was pretty good. Some good lessons, some good action, some creepy "The Birds" attack action with clouds of ravens.

Good times.

Corbeau Goes to the Movies

Friday night we decided to go see Becoming Jane, the biopic which takes Jane Austen's life story, and shoves it into a Jane Austen novel plot line. BSA and I managed to get into the theater just in time for the 8:30 show, (we had friends holding our seats) and it seems like a cute movie.

You can play "spot the inspiration" for characters and events that mimic those found in Pride and Prejudice. I don't know if other novels come into play, because at the first ball, about 20 minutes into the film, the fire alarms went off and we had to evacuate the theater.

It's a 24 screen theater, so there were lots of people to evacuate, and that doesn't include the die hards standing in the ticket line, or still entering the theater.

If I came to a theater, and saw the strobbing lights, and the sirens, and the masses of humanity exiting the doors and spilling across the street, I would think "hmm, maybe I'll go somewhere else tonight" not, "Hmm, I wonder the ticket line starts?"

But that's just me.

Anyway, so we waited out in the hot humid evening, and watched the fire trucks come, and then a manager came out and yelled that they probably wouldn't reopen that night, so just hold on to your ticket stub to come back another night.

By then it was almost 10, and we still didn't feel like going home, so my two roommates and I decided to drive across town and see what was playing there. We got into a 10:30 showing of StarDust.

As we sat in the nice A/C waiting for the movie to start, my other roommate the Secret Agent(SA)grumbled "I've paid 20 bucks for movies tonight, and I still haven't seen anything!" We had to point out that this wasn't true, since she'd seen one really cool preview for the new Elizabeth movie, and almost an entire 20 minutes of Becoming Jane, and if that wasn't worth 20 bucks what was!?

Fortunately, the movie started and nothing went wrong.

I like StarDust. It's a fairytale movie, and features British humor. Michelle Pfeiffer has a lot of fun playing the evil witch, and it was a lot of fun watching her ham it up. Robert de Niro was amusing as gay pirate captain (really!) and Claire Danes wasn't annoying.

So it was a win-win-win all around! I also like the Peanut Gallery of dead princes, but I have a morbid sense of humor. I can understand though, why it might not appeal to everyone.

Harry Potter and TOP

I really liked this movie. Three is still my favorite, but this once comes in at a close second.

I thought they did a really good job of pairing down 870 pages worth of story into 2 and half hours. It was tight, it hit all the high points, and you could understand the storyline even if you haven't read the book in a couple of years. *cough cough*

They toned down Harry a bit, so while he's still angry, he's not Harry the Constant Rage Boy.

There were some parts of the book that weren't included that I missed, but that's always going to happen, so it didn't bug me too much.

The things I really liked:

The death horses: They were amazing. They looked real. It was some amazing CGI

Luna Lovegood: Whoever cast her was a genius. That weird little Irish girl stole every scene she was in.

Helena Bonham Carter: Continues her reign as "Best Actress to Play A Crazy Person." She has so much fun being so crazy and evil, with her awesome wicked/crazy laugh, that she also dominates the few scenes she has.

Ginny Weasley: I can't remember if she even has a line, but she manages to communicate a whole lot with a few startled glances. Speaking of Ginny...

The Prophecy Room: Was amazing. The battle inside it was also fun and intense, and the scene where Ginny brings the whole thing crashing down... absolutely gorgeous.

The last fight between The Order and The DeathEaters, and Voldemort and Dumbledore was also very good. It went by so fast though, that I'd like to see it again to catch everything that was going on.

Transformers

Was AWESOME!!

It's a great movie to see in the theaters, on a big screen with surround sound. Just for that awesome moment at the beginning when Blackout (Decepticon/evil Transformer in the shape of a Blackhawk helicopter) first transforms, complete with all those cool robot sounds from the 80s cartoon.

It looks real.

They did an amazing job with the special effects. Watching Starscream (Evil Jet Plane) shifting constantly during a dog fight with the USAF made my heart happy. I'm a Starscream fan. I admit it.

What can I say? The bad guys not only have all the cool names, but they change into cooler vehicles.

The car chase between Barricade (Evil Cop Car) and Bumblebee (Good Camaro) was intense. In fact, all of Bumblebees scenes were cool. Bumblebee was cool.

And that in itself was amazing, considering that he was primarily a source of kiddie comic relief.

But they made him sooo cool.

In fact, anytime they focused on the secondary plot line with all the human characters I was twitching in my seat. I wanted to chant, "Bring back the robots!!"

The military scenes were very well done. Every time they showed the military it was like looking at shots from the USAA calendar. Gorgeous. There's a scene where two A-10 "Warthogs" attack a decepticon that made me clap and cheer. There were also some nice shots of a Naval Carrier Battle Group (although they didn't do anything but look pretty. It just makes me wish even more for an Evangelion movie, just so we can see Unit 2's sea battle.)



If you can swing it, this is definitely one to see in the theaters. It's not very bloody (mainly just robots whaling on each other and stuff getting blown up) and there's isn't even a lot of swearing. I think they tried really hard to keep it family friendly. My favorite line was after Shia Labeouf watched his camaro (Bumblebee) drive off by itself. He calls 911 and reports "Satan's camaro is in my backyard!"

Since transformer video isn't out yet, here's the dancing Citroen:

Hellboy: Blood and Iron

I've netflixed the Hellboy cartoons and I have to admit that I like them. There's only two out right now, but I hope they make more, and not just because I crack up every time they show a full shot of Hellboy.


I mean look at those teeny little legs! I know it's the animation style, but still, everytime I see them I'm expecting them to snap at any moment.

Blood and Iron features team Hellboy against the Blood Countess or, as she's apparently known in animation circles, the Creepy Vampire Lady of Monstrous Big Hair.

I couldn't even find a screen shot from Hellboy that had both her face, and all of her hair. Hopefully this suffices:

Just picture it as an enormous black rectangle continuing off screen.

And for comparison purposes, the Blood Countess from Vampire Hunter D:


Big hair aside, the story is pretty good. Ron Perlman is a great Hellboy, plus he has all the really great lines. My favorite from his fight with Hecate: "Lady, I was going to cut you some slack because you're a major mythological figure - but that? That's crazy talk. Now leave me alone!"

This movie also has the greatest conversation about office pastries in movie history. Unfortunatley it's not on IMDB yet. So you'll just have to take my word for it. (I could transcribe it, but that is WAAAY too much work for a cartoon review)

Of course, the real reason to see any Hellboy movie? Abe Sapien.