Ninja Report: Lunch

One of my good friends at the firm is leaving to start her career as a middle school teacher. Today we had her farewell lunch at IndeBlue, a very nice restaurant in Chinatown that is "Indian Fusion." Basically they mix Indian and American cuisine.

Since I think food blogging is cool, I made sure to take special attention to the menu selections.

We started off with naan, which was served hot, and was coated in butter, herbs and garlic. It was delicious. I enjoy naan plain, but it was amazing with butter-garlic-herb sauce.

We also had samosas, I had a potato and pea one, although there was also spinach-feta samosa, and a lamb-spice that I don't remember, one. (Food blogging is hard!)

Then we had Dosas (These are all still appetizers. The samurai in charge of the lunch is infamous for the amount of food he orders at these types of functions)

The Dosa was a crepe, filled with mushrooms and a blue cheese sauce. Very tasty.

And then we had a naan pizza, which was basically an enormous naan covered in cheese and prosciutto.

For my main meal I had lamb chops, medium rare, rubbed with spices than grilled in a tandoori and served with a mojito reduction. It came with green lentils and garlic mashed potatoes.

It was amazing. I'm fond of lamb anyway, but having it tandoori style was a whole new experience. Tender, with that great tandoori flavor, and just enough kick from the Mojito reduction (white wine, mint, chilies.) I wish more Indian places served lamb tandoori.

For dessert we ordered three servings of "Some More" a little molten chocolate cake with a scoop of marshmallow ice cream and a candied banana.

I took my helping and finished it. Then one of the admin ninjas across from me didn't want her share, and gave it to me. Than at the end, there was still part of one left, and no one wanted to eat it. The whole table looked at me and said "Give it to Corbeau."
I said "Okay. I'm here to help!" and finished that sucker off.

I feel like I'm going to explode.

Update: I need to learn more food adjectives. I think I used amazing to describe everything. I blame all the candied banana for this complete shut down of my mental thesaurus skills.

Comic Goodness

Yesterday's Brevity cracked me up.



I especially love the scientist on the far right. He looks so abashed, yet secretly smug. I just know he's the goober who added the olives to what otherwise would be the world's perfect dip.

Seriously, have you ever tried picking all the nasty, mushy, olive bits out 7-layer dip? I should've known evil scientists were behind it all.

Ha!

This is awesome.

Since I have the direction sense of a suicidelly-depressed lemming, I pretty much live off Google Maps or Mapquest. If for some reason, I had been on the quest for the one ring, this printout would be crumpled up in the bottom of my knapsack.

More Map Fun: Go to Google Maps, type "Paris, France" in the destination box. After Google has located Paris, get directions from your house to Paris. Scroll down and read the direction box.

Corbeau Goes to the Movies

Friday night we decided to go see Becoming Jane, the biopic which takes Jane Austen's life story, and shoves it into a Jane Austen novel plot line. BSA and I managed to get into the theater just in time for the 8:30 show, (we had friends holding our seats) and it seems like a cute movie.

You can play "spot the inspiration" for characters and events that mimic those found in Pride and Prejudice. I don't know if other novels come into play, because at the first ball, about 20 minutes into the film, the fire alarms went off and we had to evacuate the theater.

It's a 24 screen theater, so there were lots of people to evacuate, and that doesn't include the die hards standing in the ticket line, or still entering the theater.

If I came to a theater, and saw the strobbing lights, and the sirens, and the masses of humanity exiting the doors and spilling across the street, I would think "hmm, maybe I'll go somewhere else tonight" not, "Hmm, I wonder the ticket line starts?"

But that's just me.

Anyway, so we waited out in the hot humid evening, and watched the fire trucks come, and then a manager came out and yelled that they probably wouldn't reopen that night, so just hold on to your ticket stub to come back another night.

By then it was almost 10, and we still didn't feel like going home, so my two roommates and I decided to drive across town and see what was playing there. We got into a 10:30 showing of StarDust.

As we sat in the nice A/C waiting for the movie to start, my other roommate the Secret Agent(SA)grumbled "I've paid 20 bucks for movies tonight, and I still haven't seen anything!" We had to point out that this wasn't true, since she'd seen one really cool preview for the new Elizabeth movie, and almost an entire 20 minutes of Becoming Jane, and if that wasn't worth 20 bucks what was!?

Fortunately, the movie started and nothing went wrong.

I like StarDust. It's a fairytale movie, and features British humor. Michelle Pfeiffer has a lot of fun playing the evil witch, and it was a lot of fun watching her ham it up. Robert de Niro was amusing as gay pirate captain (really!) and Claire Danes wasn't annoying.

So it was a win-win-win all around! I also like the Peanut Gallery of dead princes, but I have a morbid sense of humor. I can understand though, why it might not appeal to everyone.

Monday Music Videos

I found a hamster video. I'm posting it just to see what deep psychoanalysis WW comes up with to explain it.



For the rest of us, here's a video featuring one of my favorite Naruto moments. During the chunin exam (think of it as a finals examination for ninja school) Hinata and Neji, who are cousins, are selected to fight each other.

I was trying going to explain why this fight is such a powerful and moving moment, but that requires a lengthy and complicated exposition that just doesn't do it justice.

So just sit back and enjoy.

Friday Fun

We've all had those days when you're trying to get something done, but you have to deal with some chucklehead making your life difficult.

So it makes it very satisfying to see this local reporter do what we've all dreamed of doing.

Make sure you watch to the very end, just to see the look on her crewman's face.

Hopefully this will help the ease the pain of SYTYCD's final four result show being bumped all the way to Monday night. Stupid football.

Happy Fun Quiz Time

Found a nice little "Which House Doctor Are You?" quiz. Man I miss that show.

Just click on the picture if you want to take the quiz.

SYTYCD: Last 6

I thought last night's episode was one of the best of the season. It actually had dances that were exciting, and I wish they had made the choreographers stop babying everyone a long time ago.

I loved Neil and Sabra's dances. This is the first time I've actually cheered for Neil, but their first routine was so amazing. It was a jazz routine choreographed by Mandy Moore (not the actress) and it's my favorite dance of the season.



The part where Neil lifts himself over the table?

Hot.

I also loved Pasha in his hip hop routine. Lacey was tolerable with her nasty hair tied up.

Check out how cute he is!



The jidges seemed to be drinking happy juice. They loved everything. Everything was awesome. Everything was beautiful. Everyone was riding the hot tamale train.

I like it when their a little more critical. Although Nigel totally called out Lacey's lazy waltz hands. That made me happy.

This is who I want for the Final Four.

Sabra, Lacey, Pasha, and Neil.

What did you guys think? Who do you want to see in the final four?

Curse You Indiana!! Curse YOU!!!

There's a great site called mapsmsg where you can play state tetris, or European tetris.

Basically, you're learning geography and developing mad tetris skillz all at the same time!!

Of course, lets say that for whatever reason, you haven't really studied US Geography since the 5th grade and you can't for the life of you remember where on earth Indiana goes as it floats and spins around like some horrible bright blue appendix of doom just waiting to blow and spin out so you get a really bad score..

Well in that case, the game makes fun of you.

But other than that, it's pretty fun.

Fun Meme

I spotted this from a post Friday on Atlhouse. It seemed like a fun experiment so I thought I'd give it a try.

List 10 things you have never done:

1. I have never gotten a speeding ticket.

2. I have never had a cavity.

3. I have never eaten brussel sprouts, and don't plan to, just on principle.

4. I have never succeeded in making any sort of bread product from scratch. The muffins, they mock me. Save me Betty Crocker!!

5. I have never read Emma. In fact, the only Jane Austen I've read is P&P. I know the rest from watching movies.

6. I have never been to Mexico.

7. I have never been skiing.

8. I have never been to a comic/sci fi/fan convention, although I want to. I'd go in costume too. :)

9. I have never liked pumpkin pie.

10. I have never been in a helicopter.

Man, that was harder than I thought it would be. All right, now come up with your own!

Ninja Report

Recent intelligence states that there are miny butterfingers in the candy jar on nine.

To the Ninja-later!!!! Nin-va-later? Emergency stairwell?

None of those seem right.

Obviously the only proper way to go is to sneak out a window, repel down, break into the A/C ducts and steal a "fun size" when the secretary isn't looking.

Bleh.

Today
Very hot and humid with sun and some clouds
High: 95F / 35C

Tonight
Very warm and humid with patchy clouds
Low: 81F / 27C

Humidity: 76%

I say again, Bleh.

Actually, it's cooled off some. It was 106 Saturday. A hundred and freaking six.

Monday AMV

Featuring everyone's favorite genius slacker, Shikamaru.



UPDATE: My profile icon has been updated to reflect the fact that Shikamaru rocks.
Just FYI.

Fiendish Fudge Robbery

Fudge Thief! This sounds like something from the pages of a Stephanie Plum novel.

Can't you just picture Lula walking off with the front window display of a fudge store?

On a side note: I discovered this story when four different co-workers emailed it to me, offering condolensces on the failure of my fudge-stealing minion.

Truly, my sweet-tooth is legendary.

Friday Fun

The Matrix trailer, re-cut as a Romantic Comedy.

Fun Flash Game

From the always amusing tvinjapan.

This is a web capture from a Japanese Flash game. It features Victorian women having a slap-fest. Work out your mad mouse skills and exorcise all those Victorian anger issues.

I like to think of the participants as characters from various works of classic literature.

First screen: Pride and Prejudice.
Elizabeth and the uppity Ms. Bingley.
Let that snobby wench know that her attentions towards Mr. Darcy are unappreciated!

The second: Jane Eyre.
Jane Eyre vs. Just About Anybody.
Jane is mad as the Dickens and she's not taking it anymore!

The third: Rebecca
The Nameless Wonder vs. The Creepy Housekeeper (Mrs. Danvers?)
I know I spent the whole book wishing the girl would stand up for herself.

The fourth: Any Dickens Book
Because he always features creepy, evil, old people.

The fifth, featuring the big boss:
I'll admit I'm at a loss here. I can't think of any obese people from literature.
Does Ursula from Little Mermaid count?



If you want to play the game, you can find it here: Slapfest!

Hooray for Bad Writing!

The results of the 2007 Bulwer-Lytton contest are here!

The contest is based on the writings of Bulwer-Lytton, the man who first wrote "It was a dark and stormy night..."

Contestants enter a single sentence, and try to make it as horrible as possible.

And what better way to spend a muggy afternoon then perusing the finest of some truly awful writing.

My favorites are almost always from the Detective Category.

Winner: Detective
I'd been tailing this guy for over an hour while he tried every trick in the book to lose me: going down side streets, doubling back, suddenly veering into shop doorways, jumping out again, crossing the street, looking for somewhere to make the drop, and I was going to be there when he did it because his disguise as a postman didn't have me fooled for a minute.
Bob Millar
Hässelby, Sweden


Runner-Up
She'd been strangled with a rosary-not a run-of-the-mill rosary like you might get at a Catholic bookstore where Hail Marys are two for a quarter and indulgences are included on the back flap of the May issue of "Nuns and Roses" magazine, but a fancy heirloom rosary with pearls, rubies, and a solid gold cross, a rosary with attitude, the kind of rosary that said, "Get your Jehovah's Witness butt off my front porch."
Mark Schweizer
Hopkinsville, KY


Dishonorable Mention
What shocked Juliette as she entered the room was not that there was an escaped convict under her coverlet snuggling with her best teddy bear, but that there was a knife through his back, "And who," she wondered out loud, steadying herself against the faux-taffeta wallpaper, "would stab a teddy bear?"
Katie Alender
Studio City, CA

I also like this third place winner for Fantasy:

Dishonorable Mention
At Elvenheim there was great joy, in that the legendary Ring of the Nordlings had been retrieved from the evil Sudlings by the hero Bill Baggydrawers, who it must be said looked nothing like a hero, at least none I've ever seen, and the Ring had once again been placed on the middle finger of the left hand of the Elvenking, who did rather resemble a king, even if his buck teeth made him look for all the world like a great rabbit.
Wayne McCoy
Gainesville Fl

Here are some excellent dishonorable mentions from the Purple Prose category:

The highway coiled up and around the mountain like a snake ready to strike because it was being harassed by one of those annoying guys on "Animal Planet."
Brent Sheppard
Morganton, NC

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, not even a sharp knife, but a dull one from that set of cheap knives you received as a wedding gift in a faux wooden block; the one you told yourself you'd replace, but in the end, forgot about because your husband ran off with another man, that kind of knife.
Lisa Lindquist
Oak West, Jackson, MI

Hah! Love the Runner up in the Romance category:

There was a pregnant pause-- as pregnant as Judith had just told Darren she was (about seven and a half weeks along), which was why there was a pause in the first place.
Tracy Stapp
Santa Ana, CA

Winner: Western
The easy and comforting roll of the saddle was second nature to Luke, and as he gazed off into the distant setting sun, he wondered whether he had enough change for one more ride at the supermarket before he had to return to the home.
Glenn Lawrie
Chungnam, South Korea

Weekend of Cool Grossness

Friday night I went out with some friends to The Flying Fish, a sushi restaurant with a cool renovated "speak easy" in the basement.

Since I don't like sushi, I was perusing the salad menu when my Romanian Friend (RF) asked what I was thinking of ordering.

Me: Well, the Caesar sounds good but it comes with white anchovies.
RF: Ah, you don't like anchovies?
Me: I've never had them.
RF: Well you have to at least try them!!
BSA: If they're gross you can always just pick them off.

This is true. A fish is probably the easiest thing in the world to pick off a salad.

So I ordered the Caesar, and so did RF. When they brought out the salads the two white fish were laid dramatically across the top. I was admiring the effect of their shiny, shiny whiteness against the dark green of the romaine while RF happily speared one with a fork, and popped it in her mouth.

"It's good! Your turn."

So I speared the fish, which promptly flopped over the fork in order to show off it's flippy-floppy tail for maximum effect.

I decided that it might need a little help from a piece of romaine with lots of dressing.

And some cheese.

And maybe a crouton.

As I was trying to get the crouton on my overloaded fork RF sighed "Oh just eat it already!"

So I did. It was surprisingly good. It was neither as crunchy or as fishy as I was expecting.

***
Saturday I went to the Bodies Exhibit.

This is where people have donated their bodies to science, and the scientists have used a special plastic preservative to keep them from decaying. They have all kinds of fascinating dissections with zero nasty smell.

I have dissected my share of critters, as well as handling human cadavers and I can un-equivocally state that the lack of smell was very nice.

The skeletons with intact eyes were a little bizarre though.

Some of the specimens are preserved in action: playing basketball, conducting music, performing tai chi, etc. so that you can see what your muscles are doing when you move.

Very cool.

I think my favorite was the circulatory system. They had exhibits with all the arteries of various body parts. The amount of skill to dissect and remove all those tiny vessels intact is just mind boggling. I must have stood in front of the lower leg for 5 minutes, just staring at that amazing mass of blood vessels.

Some of the exhibits aren't very pleasant. They have specimens with cancer, smoker lungs, and other such unfortunate health problems.

The only exhibit that really creeped me out though was the human skin that had been removed in two, complete, giant pieces. Front and Back. With little holes where the eyes, nose and mouth had been. Then the two pieces laid out, front on the back, like someone had just unzipped the guy all the way around and peeled it off.

The only other thing on the table was a small placard telling you all about the amazing organ that is the human skin.

It just seemed... so wrong.

Monday Music

I didn't really peruse any AMVs over the weekend. I was too caught up in the abridged Yugioh episodes.

So here's my favorite dance from last week's episode of SYTYCD: Pasha and Lauren's hip hop, choreographed by Shane Sparks.



Cat had a weird Greek theme going last week. At least this one is better than the thing she was wearing Thursday.

Friday Fun

The Zuiikin English girls are back!

Stay in shape and learn helpful English phrases too. This installment teaches us how to describe important medical symptoms. Personally, the mugging phrases are still my favorite, but this made me smile.

More Harry Potter

During this interview with MSNBC, J.K. Rowling offers more details about the epilogue of Harry Potter.

Spoilers abound, so don't read it if you haven't finished the book. I'm especially grateful for the update on Luna, but still nothing on George?

Come on Rowling!! What about George?!

ADDED: Did y'all see Monday's Sally Forth? Wasn't it just adorable?



I felt that way too.

Sweet, sweet lunch hour

How do I love thee?

Today I really wanted to try something new, so I got a deli recommendation from one of the other ninjas (along with some directions) and went in search of a new lunch experience.

I got a really good sandwich. It started out as a BLT; a quick swipe of mayo, followed by thick fluffy lettuce, tomato slices, and two pieces of bacon that appeared to have not only come from an actual pig, but where also thrown in a frying pan at some point in time. (I enjoy McDonald's breakfast sandwiches, but their version of bacon is some weird stuff.)
On top of that were fresh slices of avocado, and then a heaping ice cream scoop of egg salad.

Served of course, with a quarter sliced dill pickle. I didn't see the guy wrap it at first, and was bitterly disappointed at this breach of the deli code. Serve a sandwich without a side pickle? Madness!!

It was a really good sandwich, and totally worth yelling "I'd like a Yankee Doodle on White!" over the busy counter.

I think delis come up with sandwich names just so they can giggle when a suit comes in and says "I'd like a Big Momma on Rye" or "I'd like a Young Republican without onions."

That's my theory anyway. Deli menus, crafted with humor.

On a slightly related note, I think my local CVS has been taken by the enemy. What else explains the total lack of ho-hos or fireballs? Obviously the inventory was raided by rival ninjas in order to break my spirit. Who can face the dreaded drudgery of a Wednesday afternoon without snacks?

That's how you end up like this guy.

COLIN FIRTH ALERT!!!

What's that you say? Colin Firth is involved in a sword and sorcery pseudo-historical bio-epic?




I like Colin Firth. I really do. But the role of disillusioned Roman General has already been defined by Russel Crowe, and the rest of the movie looks, well, not good.

Tres Chic

Friday, something horrible happened.

I opened my closet, stared at my clothes, and realized that I hated everything I owned and therefore had nothing to wear.

Since I hate clothes shopping, I decided to go for the next step and get a drastic haircut. Because if I change my hair style, my clothing will look different and I'll be interested in it again and I can avoid the horrors of trying on clothes designed for mutant stick people who should really eat a sandwich for pity's sake.

Very logical.

So Monday I found myself in a salon, featuring white couches and funky euro-techno, watching copious amounts of hair fall to the floor.

3 different people wandered by to sweep up during the hour I was there.

I want to get a stamp, so I can keep score for every hair stylist that, armed only with a comb, scissors, and spray bottle, bravily wrestles my hair until at some point they have to concede something like:

"It's SO thick"
or
"Man you have a lot of hair"
or
"I didn't seem like that much when I started"

My hair has aspirations. It wants to be the Dunwich Horror.

Anyway, an hour later I emerged with a cut I would describe as "Emo." Short and shaggy in back, with graded sides, getting longer to the front, so as to frame my face as dramatically as possible.

Hey, it worked for Spiderman.

Everyone at work seems to like it. They describe it as "chic" or possibly "shiek."

Drabble: Harry Potter edition

Today's 100 words writing prompt was
"In the spirit of the occasion: How would you get into (or stay out of) trouble at Hogwarts?"

I thought this was a fun idea and decided to write something up.

The Triumph of Slytherin

The test was rigged. I knew from the start that we’d been set up to fail, but there were ways around that.

I flicked dirt off my Slytherin badge and gathered my grumbling team.

I pulled out a piece of parchment and tapped it with my wand. Hartford had stolen it from the exam proctor and by activating the mirroring spell, I’d have the guide for the entire course.

I looked down as elegant writing began scrolling across the parchment.
Hartford and I smiled at each other.

“Let’s kick some Gryffindor trash.”
Following our map, we raced through the test.



Here's the background on my story.

1. Many years ago (I believe somewhere around HP:3) I went to visit my sister and her kids, who were all very excited because they found the sorting hat quiz on the Harry Potter movie website.
My various neices and nephews had all taken it and been sorted (Split evenly between HufflePuff and Gryffindor) and they wanted to see where I'd end up.
I took the test and to their great delight I was sorted into Slytherin. I was annoyed because they were all laughing at me, and because I wanted to be in Ravenclaw. So I took it again, changing my answers to be more Ravenclawey.(It's a word. I just invented it.)
Again I ended up in Slytherin. At this point my sister pointed out that since I had tried to cheat the test to get what I wanted, Slytherin was probably the right house for me. Her logic was sound, so I have accepted my snakey fate. Besides, I look good in green and silver.

2. It's based on a true story. I was at a Navy school and dominating my class. The instructors thought it would be amusing to see how I would handle various "handicaps" to the final exam simulations. At one point I had to threaten appealing for an academic review (It really did get bad) and by the end all I cared about was beating them at their own game. The real story can't be told in 100 words or less, but it was pretty hilarious, and ended with me being chased through the school by one extremely angry instructor.

So there's your lesson kids. If you cheat use resources that were never technically forbidden to you, you could find yourself running through the halls, laughing your head off, while being chased by an angry man wielding a makeshift club.

Monday AMV

It's Lego Thriller!

Harry Pottor and The Deathly Hallows

My copy arrived via UPS at 5:00 Sat evening. I finished it last night at 11:15.

It's very good. Very dark. I really want to talk about it, but find it difficult to do without spoilers.

And spoiling the ending is just un-American.

So I'll wait a little bit. I think I'll post my thoughts next week? Hopefully that will give everyone time to read it, and give me time to review a huge gaping plot hole. I think I might have missed something when I was reading it. I hope so, because it's my only major issue with the book.


So, til next Monday then.

Friday Funny

I love Tom Lehrer. He has the power to make math amusing. This is old, I believe the "New Math" craze swept through during the early 90s, but the song is still amusing.

SYTYCD: Last Night's Edition

Sorry, I have no idea where we're at on this show.

I had a ripping headache last night, but through the painful haze, I'm pretty sure I had the following thoughts:

I love Pasha and Sara. They're my favorite. Even the horrible 80s spandex, suspenders, and the return of the side ponytail could not take down their combined awesomeness.

I also like Dominic and Sabra a lot too. I remember really liking their dance, whatever it was.

Does anyone else feel that the ballroom choreographer with the nasty greasy tiny soul patch is insecure about ballroom not being "cool." He seems very defensive this season, trying to make all his dances "cool" or "edgy" and gets very "upset" when the jidges diss the dance and say it is "boring."

All right. I'll stop with the "scare" "quotes."

Wade Robson is one weird dude.

Mia Michaels mullet was less prominent in this episode. Her dance... bizarre.

Mary Murphy makes my head hurt. She does give The Soup a lot of fodder though.



What did you guys think? Did you like the Mia Michaels hamburgler dance or did it just weird you out?

On Copiers and Macaroni

They say that a watched pot never boils, but does the same apply to copiers. Does a watched copier always jam? Run out of paper? Wait for you to leave and the flash the error light? Evil Copier.

And why on earth does the Color Cannon smell like boiling macaroni in the first place? Am I really hungry enough that the smell of ink and burning gears is being translated as pasta in my brain?

I pondered on these thoughts as I fixed the jams and restocked the paper.

But it wasn't until I walked down the hall and reached the kitchen that I realized someone was making Top Ramen and that's what started all this boiling philosophy in the first place.

Beef Flavor by the smell of it. I used to live on that stuff in my wild undergrad days.

Awesome Political Debate

Seriously, if you wanted to get more people to watch the debates, this is a way to do it. It's politics with music video sensibilities.



The best part? When they laugh at the Kucinich girl. Down with the Evil Elf!

Ninja Report: Caught in the inky blackness of a sweltering day

7:30: Catch train

7:45: Stop at airport. Warned of delays due to sick passenger.

8:00: Still at airport. Train evacuated.

8:15: Manage to battle my way through the thronging hordes AND secure a seat on the first train to make it through on the alternate track.

I hope y'all appreciate just how big of an accomplishment that is. Some of those suits wield a mean briefcase.

11:00: Things are going well despite my late start. I'm just doing normal ninja-office things, setting traps around my stapler, doing battle with the copier demon, the usual, when suddenly, all the lights go out.

11:01: Everyone sits stunned for a moment, waiting for the lights to come back on. The computers and printers are still working. The lights don't come back on.

11:02: The dark wizard from IT runs through the hall, yelling, "Log out! Log out! Log out! For the love of Confuscious shut down before the Server goes!!!"

11:02:10: I'm logged out. Because I am that good.

11:10: Scouting report confirms that some rooms have lights and power, some rooms have no light and no power, some rooms have power but no light. For reasons no one can fathom, one of the microwaves is working, but the one right next to it is not.

Casualty: The fridge. This inspires an impromptu ice cream party.

11:20: Scout reports that the phones have a three hour battery. The elevators are currently working, but an office pool has already started for when they'll die out. People start taking the stairs.

11:25: I discover that while the phone is working, the caller ID is a bit difficult to read in the dark. This prompts some fun banter between myself and fellow office ninjas until we realize that when the lights went, they took the AC with them.

11:40: Early lunch. The kitchen still has light and AC. However, the coffee machines have joined the list of casualities. There is much weeping and wailing.

1:00: Wander back to station. Begin reading by candlelight. Those who still have AC discuss the possiblity of roaming sweaty hordes crashing their offices.

2:00: The phones die. Ninja buddy and I discuss the feasability of placing an order with the pizza place across the street through semaphore.

3:00: Power is restored. The sweet, sweet breeze of cooled air pours from the ceiling like the breath of heaven.

Monday Music

Something a little different today. It's Dame Shirley Bassey's cover of Pink's "Get the Party Started."

Bastille Day

Tomorrow, as I'm sure you're all aware, is France's Independence Day. Every year, the French restaurant Les Halles down on 12th and Penn celebrates Bastille Day by hosting an annual waiter race.

Today I managed to schedule a really late lunch so I could go down and watch.

They had the street blocked off, with little cones designating the racing track down Pennsylvania Ave. There were red, white, and blue balloons, and the restaurant had some cooks outside. You could buy a spicy lamb sausage in a baguette, and french fries, and then they had wine on ice. Contemporary music played from a set of speakers. (Sorry Mozart!)

In the center of the block, naturally, Marie Antoinette and the Statue of Liberty were having lunch.

I found a spot on the street, plopped myself down (I'm sure I have a lovely dust mark the bottom of my black business pants), and people watched.

It was worth it to get there early, just to watch Marie Antoinette dance to Usher. The sight of a girl in full 18th Century costume dancing hip-hop inspired the old lady next to me to growl. "That girl in the wig must be hotter than hell."

It cracked me up.

Anyway, the waiters lined up (any professional server working in a restaurant in DC can sign up for the race) and a man with a thick French accent came on and listed the prizes (I'm assuming they're fabulous) and gave the rules. Between his accent and the PA system, he was a little hard to understand, but here are the ones I got.

-No Running (It's a Walk Don't Run race!)
-No Pushing
-No Punching
-No Kicking/Tripping
(These three make you wonder about past races)
-Each waiter has a small tray with a glass of water and a water bottle. If the water spills or the water bottle falls you're disqualified.
-They have to make five laps around the race course.

It was fun. There was one guy who really had the speed walking thing down. Several people got warned for almost running, one girl lost her glass of water, and one crazy lady wore heels. She got lapped twice.

Friday Funny

An extra special one for the 13th. One of my personal favorites, featuring the fattest horse in animated history.

Dang IT!!

Dang it! Dang it! Dang it!

From the blog StrangeMaps comes this beauty from The National Geographic Magazine(which has been haunting my dreams of late, but that's an entirely different story.)



Well, it explains some things anyway.

Found via Ace of Spades.

DANG IT!! Curse You National Geographic!! What did I ever do to you?!

I think I need a little help expressing my true feelings. So I'm reposting an old classic. Take it away Jack Bauer.

Harry Potter and TOP

I really liked this movie. Three is still my favorite, but this once comes in at a close second.

I thought they did a really good job of pairing down 870 pages worth of story into 2 and half hours. It was tight, it hit all the high points, and you could understand the storyline even if you haven't read the book in a couple of years. *cough cough*

They toned down Harry a bit, so while he's still angry, he's not Harry the Constant Rage Boy.

There were some parts of the book that weren't included that I missed, but that's always going to happen, so it didn't bug me too much.

The things I really liked:

The death horses: They were amazing. They looked real. It was some amazing CGI

Luna Lovegood: Whoever cast her was a genius. That weird little Irish girl stole every scene she was in.

Helena Bonham Carter: Continues her reign as "Best Actress to Play A Crazy Person." She has so much fun being so crazy and evil, with her awesome wicked/crazy laugh, that she also dominates the few scenes she has.

Ginny Weasley: I can't remember if she even has a line, but she manages to communicate a whole lot with a few startled glances. Speaking of Ginny...

The Prophecy Room: Was amazing. The battle inside it was also fun and intense, and the scene where Ginny brings the whole thing crashing down... absolutely gorgeous.

The last fight between The Order and The DeathEaters, and Voldemort and Dumbledore was also very good. It went by so fast though, that I'd like to see it again to catch everything that was going on.

Story: Can you hear me now?

"I'll have this all cleared up in a quick jiffy." DFL whipped out her cell phone, flicking it open with an expert twist of the wrist.

She looked at it for a moment. A slight frown appeared. "I forgot. I don't have coverage out here in wherever-we-are fantasy land*. Stupid Verizon."


Whoops!! Look like you messed up and picked the wrong one! I hope you marked the place with your fingers so you can flip back and pick something else.

Well, I guess that doesn't really work in a digital medium, but it's how I always used to read Choose Your Own Adventure books.

Very well, I'll just repost your other options.

A: Direct the chicken house to the nearest town
B: Call 911 on her cell
C: Search the forest for help
D: Wait for Deus Ex Machina






*It's true! Feel free to look up early chapters where DFL attempted to cell phone for help.

Random Thought

Why does the smell of popcorn make me hungry when I don't even like popcorn? It seems like a more logical response should be something like this:

*sniff sniff* "Someone's making popcorn. Gross. I hate that stuff. Now I want be able to eat until I'm free of its perserverant scent."

But no. It goes more like this:

*sniff sniff* "Someone's making popcorn. Smells good. I hate that stuff. I should find something to eat. And maybe go see a movie."

300th Post!!

Woot! Or I guess, w00t! might be more appropriate.

This one's for Kyo:

Wow.

Given the seminary teachers I had, this is actually pretty amazing. I thought I'd do a lot worse.

You know the Bible 95%!

 

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Morning

Going to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter?

Fun.

Getting up for work 4 hours later?

Not as much fun.



I fully planned to write up a review and some other things today, but in case I don't make it, or post bizarre ramblings about the rise of the potato people or something, here's something fun to get you through the day.

A shout-out to my Scottish ancestors. Go Family History!

Story: Now with Choices!

TA managed to leap from the tree just as it exploded. The blast caught her and threw her deeper into the forest, smashing her through branches until she managed to snag one with a singed, outstretched arm. She flipped up to rest on the branch, and took a quick stock of her injuries. Splinters from the exploding tree had ripped jagged holes through her gi but, thanks to her defensive training, lodged mostly in her arms and legs. TA felt like a lightly toasted porcupine. Her left arm had taken the brunt of the damage, and she gingerly tucked it in close and tied it to her chest with a bandage from her first aid pack.

A twig snapped. TA’s head snapped up as she scanned the forest. She was in no shape to fight the witch. She would leave that fight to BSA. TA started running, leaping through the trees as she headed for the rendezvous point.

As TA was making her tactical retreat, the sounds of smashing limbs chased her. TA sped up, doubling back and switching her trail to shake her tail, but her pursuer kept pace. The old woman couldn't move this fast, perhaps she had sent a familiar or a monster. Determined to see her enemy, TA dropped a gas bomb and hid herself in the branches of a tree. She waited. Out of the trees swung a twitching cluster of greenery, using vines and tendrils it swung to a branch and stopped. TA watched in horror as the vines curled around a bloody spot on the trunk, thorns piercing deep into the bark as the leaf monster drank her blood. Behind it, she could see others creeping around her position.
“Blood-sucking leafy octopuses! Are you kidding me?!” she griped as she drew a ninjaken, her ninja short sword. Not only would the smaller blade be more efficient in the crowded tree tops, she could wield it one handed.

With a cry she leapt from the tree, her sword blurring as she sliced through dozens of tendrils that snaked out at lightening speed to catch her. One managed to get past her guard, wrapping around her boot and jerking her upside down. The vine coiled around her ankle, squeezing thorns deep into her flesh. TA screamed and used the momentum of her fall to spin around and slice the vine, freeing herself to land on a branch beneath. As she landed, she could feel the thorns still in her ankle, weakening it. She hobbled for a moment, caught off balance as the monster, sensing her weakness, rushed in. A thick vine wrapped around her sword arm, and the ninjaken slipped out of suddenly nerveless fingers.
“Oh Crap.” TA was jerked off the branch and wrapped tight into the belly of the leafy octopus, which then swung its way back to its mistress.

Yama-Uba had made herself comfortable, resting after her battle with the vampire. She heard the crackling in the forest and smiled as her spell created creatures returned from their hunt. An enormous leafy ball swung into the clearing and began unraveling, revealing a worse-for-wear TA caught in its leafy web.

“Well, well little thief,” the witch cackled, “Now you will face justice for stealing my prey. Now you will face the wrath of Yama-Uba!” Her eyes rolled back and power filled the small forest clearing as Yama-Uba formed her spell. So intent was she on her crafting, she didn’t notice when a large, bat-shaped shadow unfolded in the darkness directly behind her. BSA stepped out of the shadows, grabbed the witch’s hair, tilted her head to the side and bit deeply into her neck. As the vampire fed, the power drained out of the clearing, the vines wilted and TA dropped to forest floor.
“Ew,” BSA said as she dropped the old woman, “You owe me big time TA. She tasted like pickles and old apples.” BSA walked over to the prostrate TA, still lying on the ground. “Hey,” she gently prodded her friend, “I thought ninja always landed on their feet. Like cats.” BSA’s eyes widened as she took in her friend’s injuries. “Oh crap,” she breathed, “C’mon DFL! Get your over-privileged butt over here pronto!”

The chicken house ran into the clearing, ending nervously away from the witch on the ground.
DFL stuck her head out of a front window, “Get my what over here?” she demanded.
“Dude, TA’s hurt. Help me get her inside.” The chicken house settled on the ground and they lifted the wounded ninja inside.
DFL noticed the witch lying on the ground, “Did you kill her?”
“That one? No. She had too much power to drain it all.” BSA replied.
“Well, maybe we should do something about that.” DFL said thoughtfully.
“You’re the evil dictator be my guest.” BSA waved at the witch.
“Dictator’s don’t do that kind of thing personally. That’s why we have flunkies. Besides you’re a vampire.” She pointed out.
“But I’m a nice vampire! I like kittens, and puppies, and hugs. I can’t kill an old lady while she’s sleeping.”
“Well neither can I! It would make WW very upset. And she needs peace and quiet to heal right now.” DFL pointed out.
“Fine, well then let’s get out of here before the witch wakes up.” BSA conceded. The chicken house shuttered in agreement. The house rose in the air as its long legs stretched out, and ran in the first direction it determined as “away.”
“Whoa.” BSA said as she started sliding towards a wall. “Can you control this thing?”
“Of course I can.” DFL responded angrily, “I just need to know where we’re going first.”
“Well, I think we need help and fast. TA’s bleeding all over the entryway rug.” BSA pointed out.
“Can you stop it.” DFL looked at her friend, “I don’t do blood.”
“Well, I have some bandages and ointment left over from the ‘Bahamas Incident’ but that’s it. Get the Bag O’Stuff to make some super band-aids or something.” BSA looked over at the BOS. It was snuggled against TA’s side.
“I think it’s pining.” DFL said, “all right, you do your first aid thing. I’ll find a doctor.”

So where does DFL do?

A: Direct the chicken house to the nearest town
B: Call 911 on her cell
C: Search the forest for help
D: Wait for Deus Ex Machina


Authors note: The scenario for this bit is depressingly familiar, since, whenever I play a RPG, my character ALWAYS gets the snot beat out of them. I then spent the next part of the game watching my comrades try and find a way to heal me.

Good times. Good times.

Woo-Hooo!!

Guess who has tickets to the midnight debut of Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix!!??!!!one!!!111!!!


Okay. I'm calm now.

Captain Terror

I've had a request for pictures; so here's the brave Captain guarding my latest book.



And here he is in uniform.

Gettysburg

BSA and I spent the weekend at Gettysburg, for the 144th Annual Re-enactment. It was a lot of fun. We drove up Friday night (Gettysburg is only 2 hours from my house) and then got up Saturday morning to stake out our spot. There's a field they have marked out for all their re-enactments. (Not on the actual parks, obviously) We got there early enough to stake out a really good spot on the right of the field, right up front.

This turned out to be the Confederate side, so most of my pictures are of confederate soldiers.

Once we had our spot secured, we wandered the tents. There was the re-enactor camp, which had demonstrations for kids, the medical demonstration, and the burial detail (complete with shallow graves. One of the graves had a hand and foot sticking out of it, and heaven help me the only thing I could think about was the ad in Weird Al's movie UHF about "Are you tired of sloppy burials?")

There was a line of food tents (funnel cake!) and a line of merchant tents selling costumes, weapon replicas, and other touristy stuff. We ended up buying soldier caps (me-Confederacy, BSA-Union) because it was incredibly hot and there was no shade.

The 11:00 battle was a cavalry battle called "Custer's trap" I can't really tell you more, because our narrator was somewhat less-than-helpful.

It went something like this:

A bunch of guys on horses ride to one side of the field. Some of them get off their horses, jump in a ditch, and preceed to fire at another group of guys on horses.

Narrator: Now the guys on the ground are dismounted cavalry.
Me: No way!

Another group of horses rides around the fence, but then rides back.

Narrator: The guys on the horses are mounted cavalry.
Me: Get out of town!

Everyone rides thier horses around, and the groups switch positions.

Narrator: If you look closely at their uniforms, you'll notice the embroidery on their sleeves. This means their in the cavalry.
Me: The devil you say!

Anyway, when there wasn't a battle, you could wander to the big tents, where they had living history presentations. We learned about the Union generals, and A.P. Hill.
That one was really good. The guy playing A.P. Hill was the same guy who played him the movie Gettysburg, and he was an excellent presenter.

We went to a Civil War wedding, a fashion show, ghost stories, a live mortar demonstration, (that was really cool) a cannon demonstration, and checked out the band, which had a guy playing the bones.

Notice that for this song, he's actually playing a jaw bone, complete with teeth.

The second battle was at 5, and it was an infantry battle. It also featured a much better narrator who explained what the groups were doing and why.

I'll hand it to those re-enactors though, it was incredibly hot and they were out there running, marching, fighting, dying dramatically (on our side, a Southern deserter made a run for it, only to be chased down and shot by an officer on horseback) and they did it all while covered head-to-toe in wool costumes and carrying a soldier's pack (including blankets).

My camera, not so great at the far away shots.

That evening, we went out to eat, and then went to the celler of the Farnsworth House Inn. The 7th most haunted house in America. Our storyteller was very good. He was an older, larger, Southern Gentleman with a wicked sense of humor. His stories had us cracking up, to the point where Becca asked if this was a ghost tour or a stand up routine.
When he started on the ghost stories though, it got pretty intense. Some of them were especially creepy, and pretty much gauranteed that I will never stay in the Farnsworth House Inn.

Never. Ever. Ever....Ev-er.

Sunday we explored the town. It's a cute little town, with lots of touristy shops that are fun to explore. Plus that part of the country is just absolutely gorgeous.

We went out to the Boyd's Bears HQ, which we were told was "Just a barn, right outside of town."
It's just a barn the way the Deathstar is just a space station.

It's fricking enormous. We had a lot of fun in there. I don't think it's possible to go in there and not spend money.



I bought a stuff orangutan and named him Capt. Terror. He will guard my books like The Librarian from the Terry Pratchett novels.

That afternoon we signed up for a bus tour of the battlefields. It was really good. We got to drive out to all the battle sites, in the order that they happened. Our CD died after the first day account, so our guide just took over.

I actually like his better. You could tell he was very passionate about the battle, and he knew all these cool little details about the various monuments that have been put up.

We went to Little Round Top, and then he showed us Devil's Den, the Slaugherhouse, the Bloody Wheatfield, and the Peach Orchard.

You don't always here about those parts of Gettysburg, and the stories there were pretty intense.

If you get a chance, it's definitely a trip worth taking.

Monday AMV

Friday Funny: Take Two

Because I love this. It kills me.

Wisdom of the Ancients

Nothing says "legally binding" like a disclaimer penciled on a post-it.

Friday Fun

At last! Having Wednesday off messed up my sense of time, but we're finally at Friday with a full weekend to enjoy. Yeah!

This calls for superheroes.

A fun parody of the Mac vs. PC ads, it's Marvel vs. DC.

Transformers

Was AWESOME!!

It's a great movie to see in the theaters, on a big screen with surround sound. Just for that awesome moment at the beginning when Blackout (Decepticon/evil Transformer in the shape of a Blackhawk helicopter) first transforms, complete with all those cool robot sounds from the 80s cartoon.

It looks real.

They did an amazing job with the special effects. Watching Starscream (Evil Jet Plane) shifting constantly during a dog fight with the USAF made my heart happy. I'm a Starscream fan. I admit it.

What can I say? The bad guys not only have all the cool names, but they change into cooler vehicles.

The car chase between Barricade (Evil Cop Car) and Bumblebee (Good Camaro) was intense. In fact, all of Bumblebees scenes were cool. Bumblebee was cool.

And that in itself was amazing, considering that he was primarily a source of kiddie comic relief.

But they made him sooo cool.

In fact, anytime they focused on the secondary plot line with all the human characters I was twitching in my seat. I wanted to chant, "Bring back the robots!!"

The military scenes were very well done. Every time they showed the military it was like looking at shots from the USAA calendar. Gorgeous. There's a scene where two A-10 "Warthogs" attack a decepticon that made me clap and cheer. There were also some nice shots of a Naval Carrier Battle Group (although they didn't do anything but look pretty. It just makes me wish even more for an Evangelion movie, just so we can see Unit 2's sea battle.)



If you can swing it, this is definitely one to see in the theaters. It's not very bloody (mainly just robots whaling on each other and stuff getting blown up) and there's isn't even a lot of swearing. I think they tried really hard to keep it family friendly. My favorite line was after Shia Labeouf watched his camaro (Bumblebee) drive off by itself. He calls 911 and reports "Satan's camaro is in my backyard!"

Since transformer video isn't out yet, here's the dancing Citroen:

The Fourth

We celebrated the fourth by going to see Transformers (More than Meets the Eye) and then going into town to watch the fireworks over the National mall.

My office building gives out tickets so that you can watch the fireworks from the roof. It's a great view, close to the metro (amazingly we missed the crowds) and since it rained pretty hard yesterday, we didn't have to sit in mud.

Actually, I just found out today that there was a tornado warning out for our area yesterday. Fortunately there was just rain, and no tornadoes.

DC puts on a great show. They shot fireworks for a half hour, with so many in the finale that an enormous clouds of smoke from the first half of the finale obscured bits of the second.

My favorites were the one that burst in the shape of hearts, stars, and enormous smiley faces.

The only bad thing is that I had to come back to work today, and it feels like a Monday. In fact, I even started gathering up the house garbage this morning. (Monday is garbage day)

Tuesday Fun

Since today is kinda like a Friday, I was going to post some fun stuff, a Ninja Report, maybe the next bit of the story.

But then I was given an 18 page report to type up. And while my Word-fu is strong, it ain't that strong.

So here's my favorite episode of Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager.

Oooo-kay

As I was walking home I passed a group of volunteers handing out religious pamphlets in front of the metro entrance.

Every one of them was wearing a bright yellow shirt that read "Jews for Jesus."

Does that make sense to anyone else?

Ninja Report 3: West Virginia, Mountain Mama

Sing along everybody.

"Blue Ridge mountains, Shenendoah River."

This weekend BSA and I drove to West Virginia and went white water rafting on the lower New River. We went as part of a group of YSA's from church, so there were about 30 of us in all.

Friday Night: BSA and I rode down with our friend The Teacher, who was playing in the softball championship game. (church ball) So we got a bit of a late start. We left on our 5 hour drive at 11:30 Friday night.

Amazingly, we did not get stuck in traffic on the 66. Although there were still plenty of cars out.

3:00-4:00: Driving through a heavy fog in the West Virginian mountains is Eerie. There was a full moon and everything. Every now and then we'd pass a coal mining operation with all their flood lights and machine lights bouncing oddly in the fog. I couldn't decide if anticipating an attack from Vampires or Aliens would be more appropriate.

4:30: Arrive at our campground. Fortunatley The Teacher had sent her tent down with an earlier party, and they were kind enough to set it up for us. We just grabbed our sleeping bags and crashed, trying to make the most of our three hours before we had to get up and report to the rafting lodge.

5:00: Some jerk has his cell phone alarm set. It rings loudly about 15 times before falling silent. It will do this every ten minutes until:

7:30: We get up. There are many evil and violent mutterings about cell phone jerk. He is foremost in our thoughts until we realize the enormous spider on the side of the tent is actually on the INSIDE and not on the outside as previously thought.

Hijinks ensue. Spider does evenutally end up dead.

8:00: BSA and I suit up, arming ourselves with paddle, life vest, and helmet. Due to popularity of the river, we don't actually hit the water until almost 9:30.

This makes BSA very unhappy. She manages to restrain her fury, and fails to bite or audit anybody.

We were in a four man raft. BSA and I were up on the front of the raft, where we had first contact with the waves and minimal contact with the actual raft. More on that later.

The other two in our boat were a guy and girl we didn't know. They were very entertaining. Especially the girl, who challenged every boat we passed to a duel, a water war, or stealthy night vengeance. My favorite battle cry of hers was "I'm coming for you [name redacted]! I'm coming for you like an eel in the night!"

Which then led us to become: Team Night Eel.

It was only later that I learned that they were entertaining more than they were working. Which was annoying, but also a bit of a relief. I was about ready to start lifting weights because I thought I'd gone really wimpy. Turns out that BSA and I were hauling around an entire boat.

I can't even begin to describe to you how sore I was Sunday morning. In fact, my muscles are still complaining today.

The New River is gorgeous. It goes through some amazing countryside. You have the mountains rising above you, and every square inch is packed in with decidious trees. The banks are lined with enormous rocks. It must be incredibly beautiful in the fall. Hopefully we'll come back and run the gully in October.

The New River has rapids from Class 1 (baby rapids) up to Class 5. A samurai lady at my fortress/office disputes this, saying they only have Class 5 rapids in the gulley. However, our guide said we went down two Class 5 rapids Saturday. I don't know who's right. If it's water bouncing off a rock, it's a rapid to me.

On the Class 1s they let us hop out of the raft and swim down the rapids. That was fun. The water was actually warm and very pleasant to drift around in.

We lost BSA over the side on one rapid. (Class unknown, either 4 or 5) I fell off on another.

Actually, technically, I didn't fall of the raft, the raft left me.

We were bouncing through some rapids that featured many, many enormous rocks. Our raft bounced up along side a rock and started to tip over. Now our guide told us that if that happened, he would yell "High Side! High Side!" and everyone should jump to the high side so that the raft wouldn't tip over. (The low side is the side in the water)

Anyway, the guide yells "High Side!" and since I'm going into the water, I un-wedge myself and go to jump to the opposite end of the raft. Suddenly the raft is no longer there. I have just enough time to feel like Wile E. Coyote, hanging in midair with a big question mark above my head, before I fall into the water.

Fortunately there was a big rock underneath me, so I didn't go very deep. I bounced off the rock and into the current, which then preceded to smash me up against the side of the raft. I grabbed on to a rope and my raft mates pulled me in.

Corbeau + Being Pulled in the Raft = The Very Picture of Dignity.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

It was a blast. I have very sore muscles, some fascinating bruises, and two scarlet knees.

Apparently, my knees and upper thighs have the power to reject sunscreen. I applied the same sunscreen (30 SPF) everywhere, and most of me looks as if I stayed inside and played computer games all weekend. But my knees and thighs are a lovely, painful shade of scarlet.

Now I have that funky old lady gait because I'm trying to walk with minimal contact between clothing and burn.

Monday AMV

Gaara. He's awfully cool for a psychopath.

Bummer

It's mainly from living in DC. That totally messed up my score!

Also, the zombie quiz thinks I need to work on my food storage. How embarrassing is that?

54%

Woo-Hoo

We're Family Friendly!!


I'm pretty sure it's Wonder Woman's patriotic leotard that nudged us out of "G."

Friday Fun

I found this on the awesome TV in Japan website. It's a gameshow featuring the treadmill of doom!

There are four stations set up along an enormous treadmill. Each station has a cookie, and the contestents have to run from station to station and eat the cookies. Each time they eat a cookie, the treadmill gets faster.

It's freaking hilarious.

My favorite part though? The hosts. I love the pose they strike whenever they say "Cookie." I so want to try it. I could try it while standing on the metro platform or something, and I'd say, "Boy, I sure could go for a COOKIE!" *Strike Pose*

Hellboy: Blood and Iron

I've netflixed the Hellboy cartoons and I have to admit that I like them. There's only two out right now, but I hope they make more, and not just because I crack up every time they show a full shot of Hellboy.


I mean look at those teeny little legs! I know it's the animation style, but still, everytime I see them I'm expecting them to snap at any moment.

Blood and Iron features team Hellboy against the Blood Countess or, as she's apparently known in animation circles, the Creepy Vampire Lady of Monstrous Big Hair.

I couldn't even find a screen shot from Hellboy that had both her face, and all of her hair. Hopefully this suffices:

Just picture it as an enormous black rectangle continuing off screen.

And for comparison purposes, the Blood Countess from Vampire Hunter D:


Big hair aside, the story is pretty good. Ron Perlman is a great Hellboy, plus he has all the really great lines. My favorite from his fight with Hecate: "Lady, I was going to cut you some slack because you're a major mythological figure - but that? That's crazy talk. Now leave me alone!"

This movie also has the greatest conversation about office pastries in movie history. Unfortunatley it's not on IMDB yet. So you'll just have to take my word for it. (I could transcribe it, but that is WAAAY too much work for a cartoon review)

Of course, the real reason to see any Hellboy movie? Abe Sapien.

Checklist for tonight

• Formal Wear
• Half a Mask
• Roses
• Troupe of excitable ballerinas
• A papier-mache musical box, in the shape of a barrel-organ. Attached, the figure of a monkey in Persian robes playing the cymbals. . . still in working order.
• Chandelier (2)
• Rockin' organ solo

Did I forget anything?

So Dumb it's Funny

I can't help it. I crack up every time I watch this stupid prairie dog.



Here he is in a slighter longer contex:

Ninja Report 2

It's hot today. Hot and muggy. The kind of hot and muggy that makes it impossible to forget that I live in a giant, paved-over swamp. As I walked to work I passed a Macey's that was getting its upper-floors power washed. The spray hung in the air, misting around as it tried to answer the call of gravity, only to be absorbed into the greater mugginess. Most people walked around the spray. I walked through it. It felt nice.

Unfortunately it's cooling effect was fleeting. By the time I reached the end of the block, I couldn't even muster a proper city hello for the jeep that almost hit me in the crosswalk (slam on hood, yell "Hey you Jerk!" or some derivitive thereof.) I just shot them a dirty look instead.

I'll have Bunny Raven give you a demonstration.


"Jerks."

The only good news from my morning commute is that I've found a deli that still has chocolate milk stocked by the time I get in. Yeah!! Take that CVS! You and your wierd inventory that has three slots full of banana milk, while the one chocolate milk slot lies lonely and depleted.

Ninja Report 1

Friday: 6.22.07

8:30: Report to ninja compound. Today's mission: To secure, copy, and fedex 12 sacred scrolls to their appropriate destinations.

9:30: Sensei stops by my desk to obtain status report.
Sensei: "So, how's that copy job coming."
Me (confused): "You haven't given me the scrolls yet."
Sensei: "I haven't?"

Obviously this part of a training mission where I have to sneak into his office and steal the scrolls. After that, it's simply a matter of giving the scrolls to the monks in the copy room.

10:00: Take advantage of compound reconstruction project to gain access to A/C vents. Use the vents to get into sensei's office from above.

10:15: Knife trap!

10:30: Enemy ninjas, or possibly, contractors, cut power to reception. Take advantage of resulting chaos to sneak scrolls to copy monks. A large wooden rabbit is reported at the front doors.

10:45: Internal memo approves fire bombing of enemy rabbit. Many enemy ninjas escape the rabbit's confines and assault the compound.

11:00: Power restored. Senior copy monk injured in ensuing fight with enemy ninja. Goes home sick. Dang it! I begin my hunt for the junior copy monk.

11:30: Sensei has stolen back the scroll.

12:00: Lunch

13:30: Scroll undergoes some serious revisions.

14:30: At last! Scroll is complete and ready for copying! Copy monk is at lunch. Dang it!

15:00: Copy monk returns. Together, we review the twisted, shattered remains of the binding machine. It has a rather large shuriken buried deep in its sparking innards.
Me: "Well, can we contract the copy job out?"
CM: "Sure. I have a contact with the monastary down the block. They have a team of copy monks standing by."
Me: "Sweet."

17:30: Sweet, sweet, overtime baby.


Saturday: 6.23.07

23:00: I'm 40 miles south of the city, so can anyone tell me where on earth all this traffic came from?! Shouldn't you people be at home? Or a bar?

23:30: The Mixing Bowl. An aggressive tractor-trailor cuts across four lanes to barrel up behind me. Judging at the rate his grill is filling up my rearview mirror I guess he's going at least 20mph faster than I am. In front of me is aforementioned traffic. I'm pondering my future as a charred grease stain on the highway when the ipod starts playing Patsy Cline.

Getting smashed by a semi to the accompanient of Old Country just seems appropriate somehow.

UPDATE: Here's an illustration of my adventure. If I was a Doctor Ninja racing from zombies with my gorilla secretary behind the wheel and my Bandito sidekick providing backup. Dr. McNinja vs a Semi

24:00: Made it home. Yeah Me!!

Monday AMV

Because I really, really, really, really want new Avatar episodes!!

I guess I'll just have to make do with watching Katara kick a little booty.

Ninja Report

It's been brought to my attention that a blog, technically, is supposed to be some sort of online journal where I post about the activities of my day. Whereas I have been using it primarily to post AMVs and trash talk TV. (TV! Its a social activity! Really!)

Therefore I'm going to start a new series of posts called "Ninja Reports" where I talk about my day for whoever might be interested. If you're not interested, feel free to scroll past until you find an amusing youtube post.

Since I've been taught that one of the primary purposes of keeping a journal (family history!)is so that your descendants can read about what a fascinating person you are (seriously?) I'll try to make it as interesting as possible (make stuff up.)

Of course, the greatest benefit to this new feature is that now, whenever the topic of journal writing comes up in church, I can just sit back in smug self-rightousness and say "Yeah, I'm all over that like butter on toast."

Friday fun

Sokka and Dr. Evil. That's the kind of Friday I'm having.

SYTYCD: 9 couples

A Paso Doble to Queen??!!

SERIOUSLY?!

Other quick notes from yeterday's 2 hour episode:

Mia Michaels was a judge, and either the dancers are better, or she's mellowed. She lacked her usual terrifying-yet-true critisicms.

Lacey reminds us all that 80s fashion is acctually coming back.

At least Benji wasn't plastered all over this episode. Yeah!

Faina owned the Foxtrot. I feel bad her partner is struggling so much. I really like her but think they'll be in the bottom three again tonight.

My favorite couples: Jesus and Sara, Jamie and Hok

Awesome Avatar

Here are four videos explaining the martial arts behind each of the four bending styles.

Very interesting to watch.

1. Water/Tai Chi



2. Earth/Hung Gar



3. Air/Circle Walking



4. Fire/Northern Shaolin Kung Fu

Star Wars Funny

Did y'all catch the Robot Chicken Star Wars Special? It was basically all the Robot Chicken Star Wars clips back to back. Most were pretty funny, other were 'meh.'

This one is my favorite.

Monday AMV- Late

Yeah, yesterday got a little crazy. But here is an AMV for y'all to enjoy, and I'll just point out that my old friend Inflat-A-Rat was demonstrating down on 9th and F yesterday.

SYTYCD: First Cut

So the first review show. Wade choreographed the opening number, and no one I liked got sent home. All around a good show!

Friday Fun

The Simpsons do the Battle of Helm's Deep

SYTYCD: Partners

Tonight was the first night that the top 20 danced in their designated couples.

With this many dancers, it's hard to pick favorites or even remember everybody's names, so I'll cover the choreographers first.

Shane Sparks: I like him. I think he's a really good guy, and he got to choreograph two dance tonight.

Mia Michaels: I love Mia! Wait, is that a mullet? When did she grow a mullet? Has it always been there and I never noticed? No, Mia NO!! Why??!! It looks awful. Truly it does.

Wade Robson: I LOVED his pop routine. The dancers were a little rough, but it was still freaking awesome.

UPDATE: Here is Sara and Jesus performing Wade's dance:


As for the individual dancers:

I think my favorite right now is Hok and Jamie. I thought they were entertaining and I loved Jamie's attitude during the hip hop routine.

UPDATE: Here's video of their dance:



The She-Benji actually did very well in her dance. Dang it. Are we going to be subjected to her cheeseball brother hamming it up for the camera during every audience shot?

Because that will be truly awful. Thank heavens for DVR.

My favorite individual dancer is Pasha. He's such a cutey. The slow waltz was beautiful, and I have to agree with Crazy Mary. Who wouldn't want to wear a flowy white gown and dance in the arms of a hot Russian?

All About Eve

I netflixed this movie so I can educate myself on all those classic movies you're supposed to see, but somehow never do. (Spartacus, I'm looking at you)

It was pretty good. Longish, with a creepy stalker vibe that builds up slowly and makes you sit through the whole movie just to make sure that at the end, creepy antagonist girl gets hers. (She does.)

Moral of this movie: It is never to early for a restraining order.

Anyway, Bette Davis has some nice, sarcastic one liners in this movie. But what really struck me was her appearance in the very first scene. They're all sitting around a table at an awards ceremony, and Bette Davis is sitting there, with her enormous, heavy lidded eyes and her mean face on, and it hit me. Bette Davis looks like an enormous bird of prey, perched in an evening dress, waiting for the opportunity to swoop and kill.

I expected a dead rodent to show up on her plate at any moment.

I really need to become a little more familiar with my DVD editing software, so that I can upload awesome screen captures to accompany posts like this.

It's on my to-do list.

Monday AMV

A neat one about those brave and creative souls who make AMVs.

Story: The Hunt for WW Part Tres

The witch, Yama-Uba, grinned as burning shards fell around her. She called the night wind and inhaled deeply as it brushed past her face. Through the smoke she could smell blood and fear. Her victim had somehow escaped the fireball, but not unscathed. She walked around the tree and knelt on the dark spotted grass. Her long fingers swept across the forest floor, wiping up the fresh blood. Rubbing it between thumb and forefinger, she closed her eyes and cast her spell, using the blood to forge a link to the thief.

There. In her mind, Yama-Uba saw a small red spark, racing through her mental map of the forest. So, the little rat was running was she? She had stolen lawful prey from Yama-Uba and would answer for her crime. The powerful witch gathered her magics around her, crafting a retrieval spell that would both ensnare and punish. Yama-Uba fueled the spell with her own rage, working it up to a fever pitch before unleashing it into the forest.

As the spell energy left her, Yama-Uba permitted herself a tired, triumphant moment to appreciate her own spellcrafting before settling herself comfortably at the base of a tree. A tree that wasn’t on fire.

Yama-Uba leaned back against the trunk, closed her eyes briefly and then said “You might as well come out. I know you’re there.”
The darkness seemed to unfold and a small, pale woman dressed all in black stood in front the witch.
“A bit late aren’t you?” Yama-Uba taunted the woman.
“I wanted to make a dramatic entrance” BSA replied cheerfully.
YU harrumphed and flicked her fingers, launching a hex at the sassy wench. The hex flew, faster than thought, only to bounce harmlessly off an unseen barrier. BSA smiled, casually checking her manicure as she commented, “Nice curse. For an old lady.”
YU frowned, “I can still teach a young witch some manners.” Her hair began to float wildly around her head.
“I’m a vampire actually.” BSA chimed helpfully, her eyes turning red as she focused her powers.


They locked gazes. The two women stood motionless as they used their powers to try and overcome the other’s mind. Minutes ticked by. The witch’s hair fell flat. Another minute. BSA felt sweat trickling down her face, but she didn’t dare break eye contact. She was a vampire for pity’s sake; she should be able to hypnotize an old lady.

BSA focused and broke through yet another psychic barrier only to sense the witch’s mind control spell, an oily snaky thing, trying to creep in while she was distracted. She pictured a rolling ocean wave, scooping up the oily spell and carrying it back to the witch. The spell wriggled madly in the waves only to be dashed against the witch’s mental barriers. BSA’s felt a flash of triumph as the spell bounced off the wall, fragmenting into hundreds of little pieces. As the spell fragments fell off the wall and back into the water, they began to change. The witch smiled as each tiny fragment turned into a fish. BSA’s triumph turned to horror as an entire school of frenzied piranha rushed her mental defenses. She changed the water to sand. In her mind, she called up massive desert dunes to suffocate the piranha but the little fish continued to swim through the sand; their jaws chomping madly.

BSA raised a hand as she wrestled for control of the spell. She felt a flash of pain as she raised a massive wall of sand and changed it to brick. The fish leapt over it. She changed the wall to glass and crashed it down on top of the piranha, shattering it into thousands of deadly shards. Yama-Uba gasped as the shards shredded the piranha. “That should kill the little monsters” BSA thought fiercely, “and just in time too.” The strain of the battle was taking its toll. She could feel the sweat through her suit jacket. She lifted the broken glass and crushed it into a large, spiky ball. With enough force it would blast straight through the old woman’s defenses. As the last of the glass lifted off the piranhas they jumped upright, suddenly encased in armor that sprouted eight-jointed legs as they rushed en masse towards BSA.
“Oh Sick!” yelled BSA. Her concentration was broken and BSA knew had to run before Yama-Uba took over her mind. BSA dropped eye contact and burst into dozens of bats winging madly away.
Yama-Uba let her flee. The score with the vampire would be settled later. The thief had to be dealt with now.

Random Thought

Should I be worried that my Special Dark Hershey Chocolate Bar (Natural Source of Flavanol Antixidants!) has printed detailed instructions on how to unwrap it?