Robot Chicken Star Wars

The Emperor learns about the Death Star.



Luke learns the Truth:

NCAA: Day 1

Let's check the scores!

Oh Weber, you got creamed.

Texas Tech has also failed me.

BYU lost?! Awesome!!

Overall I didn't do too bad. I appear to have picked 10 of them correctly.

Go me!

American Idol

Wow, just when I thought Sanjay couldn't get any worse, he perms his hair and puts on old lady earrings.

No wonder his performance led to the creation of Simon's most tortured metaphor ever.

Randy's comment about the only good part being the back up singers was hilarious.

And with all the people forgetting lyrics, (from Diana Ross songs!) there's just no reason to put Phil in the bottom three.

Come on America!! Send Sanjay home!!!

Not that I'm sad Brandon was eliminated. His constant googly-eyes and weak vocals were irritating, but he's still better than Sanjay.

Haley maintains her iron grip on the pity vote. Simon tried to break it by telling her nice things about her cringe-inducing performance, but I think she rallied by crying gratefully at the first hint of praise.

NCAA Pool

We just got our bracket sheets handed out at work, and since I'm awfully bored I filled it out. Of course, I haven't been following college bball at all but I won't let that stop me.

Hey! There's no USU? What's up with that? I see that Weber managed to make it. Good on them. I will allow them to beat UCLA in the first round but get smashed by Pittsburg in the second.
BYU, of course, will lose in the first round. Down with the zoo!

This is kind of fun, kinda like playing the Sims.

Other than those I picked teams based on who had won more games. Unless of course, I didn't like their name or feel like spelling it all the way out. Gonzaga, George Washington, I'm looking at you...

Eventually, I end up with Kansas v. North Carolina with Kansas for the win! I thought I'd show the midwest a little love.

Amazing Race: Upset!!

Wow.

I'm still in shock. In the biggest upset in Amazing Race history, Rob and Amber were beaten by Charla and Mirna I'm still in shock. In the biggest upset in Amazing Race history, Rob and Amber were beaten by Charla and Mirna (Team Crazy.)

Charla and Mirna of all people!!

Well, Charla, Mirna, and Rob's failure to spell Phillipines correctly, or follow map directions, or find his team's letter at the post office at the end of the world.

Rob was having a very bad day.

So, Rob and Amber were kinda evil, admit you giggled when they sent the Crazies on a wild goose chase. They were smart, tough, and played a decent strategy game.

They went from dominating the game to elimination. They will be missed.

Especially since this means that I will be subjected to Charla-Mirna freakouts for yet another week.

Hockey!

I'm going to the hockey game tonight, so to help prep for the night's festivities, here's a clip from the Senators vs Sabres game on 2/22. Apparently these teams hate each other with a passion I haven't seen since Nebraskans vs Iowans. The best part however, is when the two goalies come out to fight each other. I have a weak spot for goalies.

Why, America? Why?!!

Why do you inflict yet another week of Sanjay's tortured warblings, awkward stage presence, and creepy hair on us all?
Seriously, what demographic does this guy appeal to that he keeps staying on week after week?
Pre-teens?
Grandmas?
The mafia?
Who!!!

Thank you noble fast forward button. You're all that stands between me and the horrors of Sanjay.

As for everyone else, I was a little surprised that Haley beat out Sabrina for the last girl spot. But there I blame the mechanics of the AI pity vote, which has ousted better singers for their weaker opponents before. The theory goes, the judges were mean to Haley, so people gave her a pity vote, whereas nobody voted for Sabrina, because she seemed like such a sure thing that they assumed everyone else had all ready voted for her.
It's irritating, but also an interesting example of mass psychology, so I'm cool with it.

Just for DFL

Because she's never seen it.

LOTR in 5 seconds

Because you don't always have 12 hours to spare!

Fellowship of the Ring


The Two Towers


Return of the King

Movies for Short Attention Spans

Only 5 seconds, and Batman still rocks.


Ha ha!!


And this one of course:

Sleepy...

Oh so sleeeeepy.

I only caught the first part of AI last night, but I want to thank the girl for starting out with Pat Benatar's Heartbreaker. That made me happy.

I also remember watching Heroes, which ended with everyone caught up in some dire cliffhanger only to go on haitus until the end of April.

Jerks.

Sorry, I have no recap, but here's my two cents worth of thoughts. I think Ma Petrelli is pulling strings to rival Linderman.

I can't wait to watch Peter and Sylar throw down. Yeah!! Sylar the brain eater story line has gotten old, and it's time for him to get taken down.

Drabble: Unexpected Praise

Cinder could see the remnants of magic. It twitched in thin, fuzzy cracks from all over the alley to puddle at the place of attack. The faint, ever-present movement set her teeth on edge.
“Some sort of summoning?” Cinder muttered to herself, as she studied the malignant swirling residue.
“Not bad, for a mage.” The voice dripped with disdain and a thick Spanish accent.
Cinder whirled, her power flaring around her in a protective shield of flame.
“Nice trick.” The young street punk smirked, “but mine’s better.” Her eyes flashed as an enormous striped tabby appeared behind her, growling protectively.

Amazing Race: Now with Fishies

I didn't get to watch this Sunday, because I was over at my Uncle's playing Killer Bunnies where, in the highlight of the evening, I convinced a total stranger to unleash a black hole and wipe out every bunny on the board.

I didn't win the game, but is that really the point?

So I finally watched it last night, and what an exciting installment! I've now added white water rafting in Chile on my "Things to Do" list. What a gorgeous country.

So, Charla and Mirna continue in their insanity, including kidnapping some poor guy who was on his way to work, and basically held him hostage for the rest of the game. I HATE how Charla(?) talks to foreigners by affecting some horrible, unplacable accent. If they end up in Scandanavia, do you think she'll talk like the Swedish chef from the muppets?
Ve need directions, Bork! Bork!

Hopefully they won't last that long.

We also learned that apparently, many people are freaked out by flounder. I remember seeing them while snorkeling in Spain, and I thought they were cute. But then again, I have a stuffed rat named Skippy on my desk, that I also think is cute.

This is not the common office consensus. He tends to hunker down behind my far side calendar to preserve his self esteem, but I digress.

The other excitement came from the Beauty Queens, who skipped a clue, got lost, and went straight to the rafts. I thought they would be given a 30 minute wait penalty, but Phil made them go all the way back and find the missed clue.

Unfortunately, everyone else was so lost that they got the clue and made it back before anyone else found the pit stop.

What did you guys think? Are you sad that KY is gone? Did you notice David's creepy, yet brilliant smile when Mary said "If I fall out of the raft I could die!!" Given how she abuses the poor man, it's hard to blame him.

Drabble: Just add water

Cinder gingerly picked her way down the damp alley as she tried to investigate without actually touching anything. Once she reached the edge of the blood spatter, she stopped, concentrated, and accessed her astral vision. Her eyes clouded over as the essence of the spirit world opened them to the magic planes. Cinder gasped as a wave of terror rolled over her. Blood peeled from the ground and walls to circle her, gibbering madly as it pressed closer, drawn to her lifeforce. Cinder focused her mind, holding the blood at bay as she looked past the psychic scarring for clues.

Hey the alley's damp and it's in Seattle. So as far as I'm concerned, the water has already been added.

Ninja Dates

Ask a ninja explains the ninja dating mythos. You know, this explains a lot about my social life.

24-Interrogation

I know some of us were disappointed in last week's episode, mainly because it was really boring. So, since we've hit the boring middle parts, here's a clip of Jack doing what he does best.

It's Time For...

Star Wars!

Drabble: Clowns

Clowns? Clowns?! Great. Clowns and Cyber-punk, heck it practically writes itself!

“Right,” Brunhilda lifted the crime scene tape, “I want you to go in, do your magical oogedy-boogedy stuff, and tell me what you learn.”
Cinder glanced down the grim alley and sighed, “Doesn’t Lone Star employ forensic mages for this?”
“I don’t trust those jerks. They act nice but then they place time-release invisibility hexes on your dress uniform.”
Cinder repressed a smirk, “Fine, but I’m still charging my full rate.”
Brunhilda engulfed her in an excited hug, “Thank you! And I’ll interrogate those locals about suspicious activity in the area.”
Cinder glanced at the group, “Those are mimes Hildy.”

Heroes: Spoilers

The Origin of MEG:

So we learned that although MEG started as an evil "company" goon, fatherhood has made him noble, likable even. All this time he's been protecting Claire from his creepy boss, Mr. Evil Executive (MEE) and Hiro's Dad (Sulu), who's also apparently, Evil.

This show has some serious Daddy issues.

Most of the ep was the rather tense standoff with the MEG family, Mushroom Cloud Ted, and Boring Psychic Guy, who would announce everything he was picking up from Claire's mind. Dude, where's the discretion?

I have to admit, that I have this urge to wander around and whisper in shocked tones, "Peter can do what I can do."

Invisible Crazy Man was MEG's first partner, until MEG shot him. I'm wondering how he managed to survive two shots and a long drop, but I think that littel detail will end up in the Heroes plot hole of doom.

Like where's the Wireless girl?

And how did MEG know that The Haitian had actually spoken to Claire?

And why doesn't everyone on the block now have radiation poisening? Except of course, Crispy Critter Claire?

And how do you spell poisoning anyway?

Plot Hole of Doom.

The Haitian has been playing mute for 14 years. That's dedication. Apparently, TH has been working an alternate agenda, but it's not for MEE. Linderman perhaps?

Speaking of Linderman, according to the previews we finally get to see him next week. From the two second shot of the back of his head, I think he looks like the architect from the Matrix movies.

Sighting of the Mysterious Symbol of Strange Mystery: 1- The Haitian's necklace.

Sunday Night TV

The Oscars:

The sound effect orchestra was wicked awesome.

You'd think after four hours, I'd have more to say.

But I don't.

The Amazing Race:
The old guys got eliminated, which is good, because I think one of them would have died if they stayed on much longer.

The lady with the little person (Charla Schmirna?) had a full on attack of crazy, throwing her worldly possessions at some poor, befuddled cab driver.

Kentucky still haven't learned that alliances don't work, although I was pleasently surprised when Mary came up with a clever strategy for solving the boardroom puzzle. Of course, she pretty much blew it by announcing her answer in a loud, clear voice to the security guard.
She definitely needs some lessons in sneaky.

This episode was pretty good, with lots of jockeying for first as planes were delayed, the racers faced difficult puzzles and tasks, failed their clue reading comprehension, got lost, stuck, nearly run over and threw hissy fits.

The previews for next week promise much more drama and fun, as Danielle has a nervous breakdown over fish.

Drabble: It's a long way down

Parts I & II:

Part I:

“A disturbed killer lurking in dark shadows” Son-ja mused, “Have you contacted Raven?”
“Every time I call, her servants answer and laugh until I hang up.” Grunt’s fingers tightened, wringing a protesting squeal from the steering wheel.
Meanwhile, at 13,000 feet, resplendent in black and gold, Raven jumped from the plane and began her aerial maneuvers. She flipped and came face to face with the inscrutable Mr. Johnson, who was lounging in mid-air.
“You!” Raven spluttered angrily, as she hung immobile “Let me go!”
He shrugged and Raven found herself falling once again, minus the comforting weight of her parachute.

And since I didn't want to leave you hanging, Part II:

“Just kidding!” Raven screamed as she plummeted. She came to a sudden jerking halt, upside down and glaring at Mr. Johnson, with his bland brown hair, brown eyes and incredible aura of power.
“I have a job for you.” He smiled, laughing at her thoughts.
“I’m retired” she drawled.
He ignored her. “Keep Officer Avantegarde alive while she hunts the Kiss Killer. It should be vastly entertaining.”
“That little twit! Why I would,”
“Rather fall to your death?” he interrupted with a raised eyebrow.
“Hate to see anything too fatal happen to an old comrade” Raven finished smoothly.

Friday Fun: Star Wars!

I really do love Lego figures. They're so adorable. I have a set of Batman figures on my fridge, with Robin currently sporting Joker's hair. I love Legos.

Neat!

Awesome interactive map of Mordor.

Our resident cartographer should make us a map of our superhero adventures!!

Drabble: Forget something?

I'm only posting two in one day because I got so very far behind. What can I say? These are difficult to write without the source material. However, thanks to a successful ninja mission the story can continue and I'll stop getting emails asking about it. Yeah for everyone!!

“It’s Hildy.” Grunt sighed, “She’s determined to be the lead on a case.”
“Lone Star has allowed this?” Son-ja asked.
“Her Daddy’s a suit.” Grunt grimaced “She’s taken the Kiss Killer case.”
“You think she’s in danger?”
“I think Seattle’s in danger.”
“Grunt,” Son-ja said patiently, “True, Brunhilda is young and inexperienced, but this may help her realize her full potential. Fledglings must be given the chance to fly.”
“Huh,” the orc grunted, “Have you forgotten the last time she tried to fly?”
Son-ja cringed, “Oh yes. That was messy.”
“Good thing it was only a two story roof.”

Drabble: Hitchhiker

The lonely slap of sandals against pavement echoed across the deserted street as Son-ja jogged her fifth mile in the early morning gloom. Behind her, a car eased out of a side street and rolled gently towards the samurai dwarf. Without breaking stride, Son-ja opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.
“Hello, friend Grunt. You need assistance?” Son-ja greeted the driver as she folded herself into a lotus position.
Behind the wheel, a massive green orc in a three piece suit grinned, showing his many teeth.
“I’d ask how you knew, but you won’t tell me,” he smiled.

American Idol: Snooze Fest

Thank heavens for DVR. This was a pretty low start for the top 12 guys. Where on earth did the get their song list? And that background animation screen! I haven't seen those kinds of backgrounds since my last school picture of mandatory humilation.

So let's see, I can't remember their names, but here's my sum up.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hey! Beat Box Guy can sing!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ha ha! Teletubby slam!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hmmm, the guy that went last was all right.

There you go. My indepth analysis of AI. Tonight we'll see if the girls fair any better.

The Bells!

It's 1:15, and the church next door is going absolutely bonkers with the bells. Anyone know why this might be?
They were playing a medley of hymns during the lunch hour (they have player bells) but now they're just banging away, old cathedral style.

Amazing Race- All Stars!

Yeah! Everyone clap for the return of the Amazing Race in its umpteenth season. Where everyone should really know by now that you never pick the task that has you searching for something tiny, especially when the other task comes with helpful cowboys to make things easy.

Hmm, right now there are too many people involved for me to go through this bit by bit, so let me sum up:

Phil had a really ugly shirt on at the beginning of the show, but thankfully changed into something less painful after the race got started.

Speaking of painful, watching frat boy run with his pierced nipples was definitely an overshare. Fortunately, I have access to ninja mind bleaching techniques and am saved from traumatic mental scarring.

I pity the rest of you though.

I was kind of hoping the two bald guys would go home. I mean, the one looks like he's about to keel over at any moment and the race Just Started. Not only did he lose the footrace, but he injured himself getting out of a cab. Dude.

If you know you're about to compete in a rigourous physical competition on national tv you might want to invest in a little physical training. That's all I'm saying.

Fortunately for them, some guy/girl team got really, really lost. Even more lost than the people who went through the south entrance of the park, meandered around, and still managed to come out ahead of Kentucky.

If I was an Ecuadoran taxi driver, I'd be really irate at all these Americans yelling "Rapido!" at me. One female taxi driver looked like she was about to turn around and start smacking people, except for the camera there in the front seat. You could tell she was thinking about it though.

Rob and Amber started strong, and apparently are "Really Mean" according to BSA. This is important stuff to know since when Rob actually did something nice (he held up the airport shuttle waiting for the Miami guys) he loudly told everyone that he wanted it "noted."

I honestly expected a stronger showing from the Beauty Queens. I guess in a race full of tough competitors, they won't be able to sail through so effortlessly this time.

Good.

What about you guys? Did you watch it? Do you already have a favorite? Or are you waiting for some more teams to go?

You know what we need?

Star Wars.

Madness!!

Terrifying but true, the Starbucks near my office was closed this morning! This can only mean one of two things:

1. The end of the world is nigh, or

2. I will be making my own hot chocolate this morning.

Madness I say!! Utter Madness!

Weekend Movie

I know I missed posting something fun on Friday, so here to make up, a short film on the joys of having a ninja for a roommate.

Friends!

I love that Robin is Rachel.

Story: Part the 20th

In which we finally continue, there is a surplus of adverbs, and BSA has a dance number.

Actually, it's been a little while so let's do a quick recap. Our four superheros were fighting the evil punk forces of Dr. Nose when they were suddenly sucked through a portal and found themselves in a strange new world. After narrowly avoiding a copyright infringement lawsuit, they defeated a faun in a game of boggle, thereby winning directions to "The Croquet Players" who might have some idea of how to get them home. So they are currently on their way to find these Players.

When we left, I asked you to pick the random encouter our heros were sure to have on their way to the Enchanted Forest.

Since I only got three votes, one each for A (Peanut Gallery), B (Hippies), C (Yama-Uba, the Mtn. Crone), I rolled a dice to see what our next adventure would be. . . and the dice roll is 5! So Yama-Uba the mountain crone.

Fresh from their triumph over the boggle faun, our four heroines continued on their way to the Menacing and Enchanted Forest. (MAEF) The mighty Amazon warrior Wonder Woman (WW) led the way, striding gallantly in her patriotic leathers. Her short blonde curls glinted in the sunlight as they picked their way below the snowline. Behind her was the fastidious Blood Sucking Accountant (BSA) still in Armani, still fond of puppies and hugs. The small, blonde BSA easily kept up with the much taller Amazon, singing a jaunty tune (Fergilicious) as she hiked. Much farther behind was the also-blonde Dictator For Life (DFL), who had changed from her toga to an outfit more suitable for the rough climate. Refusing to change out of her Sartore boots, (painful blisters) DFL lagged behind, muttering unpleasant things about mud, trails, and nature in general (“camping sucks.”) Bringing up the rear guard was The Author (TA) keeping to the shadows and spying for trouble, her ninja cowl made it impossible to determine her hair color(brownish-reddish-darkish.)

WW wormed her way through a tricky set of boulders and decided that this particular patch of mud would make for a good rest stop.
“Why are we stopping?” BSA asked brightly.
“Let’s wait for DFL and TA to catch up. I don’t like being so spread out on this mountain. It seems to have. . . intentions.” She scanned the horizon suspiciously.
“Okay. Want to see my new dance? I call it, ‘Hip Hop on a mountain.'”
So BSA danced while WW tried to think of a polite way to say, “No,” or “Please stop,” or “If I have to hear that song one more time I’m going to start drop kicking badgers.” Fortunately for the badgers, DFL finally made it round the boulders.
“This sucks! I am covered in mud!” DFL pointed dramatically at her boots and jeans.
TA appeared on top of a boulder, “Is it time for lunch? I’m starving.”
“Meatloaf time!” crowed WW.
“Yeah, let’s eat!” chimed in BSA, “let’s see how the Bag O’ Stuff (BOS) does duck a l’orange.”
“I vote for Cajun Grilled Shrimp (CGS).” DFL replied.
“What’s wrong with meatloaf?” an ignored WW wondered.
“I think the BOS is tired, guys. All I’m getting is ham and cheese.” TA distributed sandwiches.
As our heroes courageously ate their lunch, they were interrupted by a thin, quivery voice calling for help.
“Help!” the thin, quivery said. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself)
Everyone stopped mid-bite except WW. “To the rescue!” she yelled as she threw down her sandwich and raced towards the voice.
“Hey!” yelled TA, “The BOS worked hard on that!”
WW ploughed through the scrub, following the calls of distress. Behind her, she could sense her compatriots following, and in one case, cursing (guess who?) She burst into a small clearing, where a pile of dirty rags holding a knobby walking stick sat mewling on the rotted remains of a half-buried log. As the rags shifted WW could see that it was actually an old and extremely dirty woman. Her face was like an overripe apple, withered and brown as greasy wisps of grey hair crept from a tattered hood.
“Oh! Oh! Oh I’ve lost my house!” the old woman cried as she rocked back and forth on the log, her hands constantly twisting on the walking stick.
“It’s all right ma’am, I’m here to help.” WW approached her cautiously as her teammates arrived on the scene. “It’s all right guys” WW waved them back, “She’s just lost.”
“Oh what will I do?! I’ve lost my house and it’s getting dark!” The old woman looked plaintively up at WW.
"Dark?" muttered TA, "it's full noon."
DFL Looked at her and rolled her eyes as she made the universal "Crazy Cat Lady" sign.
“We’ll help you find your house. I promise.” WW said as she gently placed a hand in the general vicinity of where an arm might logically be.
“You will?” she snuffled pathetically.
“You have my super hero word of honor ma’am.” WW replied solemnly, her face somber despite the miasma of pungent odors swirling about her.
“Good!” the OW crowed, her voice suddenly strong. In an eye blink she grabbed WW’s shoulder, swinging up from the log and onto WW’s back. Two shuriken flew towards the OW’s head only to thunk solidly into her staff. BSA tossed a ten-key paper grenade but it exploded uselessly around the pair.
“She has a shield!” called BSA.
“That’s totally cheating!” DFL complained as the rocks she summoned hung uselessly in the air.
“Get off of me you crazy old bat!” WW yelled as she tried to grab the woman behind her, but every time she came close the OW whapped her head with the stick.
“Now, now, you gave Yama-Uba (YU) your word, and until you fulfill it you are my slave.” She cackled evilly. “Now, let’s go get that house.” Yama-Uba grabbed two fistfuls of WW’s hair, clucked her tongue and kicked her heels into WW’s ribs.
“I Am Not A Horse!!” WW yelled defiantly but, to her horror, her legs began to move under YU’s commands.
“Faster! Faster!” screeched YU and WW sprinted off into the brush.
“Well, crap.” Sighed DFL.

Our heros must save WW! Do they:

A: Track them down
B: Set an elaborate trap
C: Have milk and cookies
D: Cut their losses

Only you can decide! Tune in next time for: The Hunt for Wonder Woman!

Friend or Foe?

Since we actually hit 40 degrees today I decided to walk to Borders during lunch, which has already launched its Harry Potter promotion in the form of giant posters that say, "Severus Snape, Friend or Foe?"
The poster is split in half, with each side featuring a picture of Severus, wearing his most angry face and blasting away with his wand. I assume that on the Foe side he is smiting hapless Potion students and on the Friend side he is, oh I don't know, clearing out Hogwarts' infamous rat population or something.

Inside you can get these handly little papers which detail the arguments for Friend or Foe depending on which side you happen to belooking at.(Hint: Purple is Friend, the Barney influence?) This is a great resource if you need a quick review on Harry and Snape's shenanigans without re-reading the series.

Ouch!

Ninja Report

BSA's laptop has displayed all the longevity of a lemming as various internal bit and pieces commit electronic seppuku. However, every trip to tech support has only led to more problems. Since she bought it, the laptop has spent more time at the tech service than at home.

Today, using my ninja skills, I discovered why this poor little laptop has such problems.

Ninja NY

This looks like an amazing restaurant. I need to go to the Ninja Castle.

Bad writing

I was just perusing the 2006 awards for the Bulwar-Lytton contest.

The contest is to write the worst possible opening sentence for a novel.

This dishonorable mention from Detective Fiction is my favorite so far:

"Christmas Eve fell upon the piazza, and the pealing, the tintinnabulous pealing, (perhaps not a pealing but an incessant tinkling, albeit an appealing incessant tinkling) of the street performers reached my ears, masking the shot, which would have rung out had not the tintinnabulations raised such an incessant tinkling that the sound died as dead as the musician who fell like Christmas Eve at my feet - his bell having been rung."

Ben Ross
Lexington, NC

This Runner Up for Historical Fiction is sad but true.

The McCain boys strode off proudly to fight in the Civil War, one for the Union and one for the Confederacy, neither of them giving a single thought to who would play them in the television movie of their story, which would be decided more than a hundred years later by 20-something casting agents who kept getting the Civil War and World War II mixed up.

Carmen Fought
Diamond Bar, CA

Winner: Purple Prose
A single sparkling tear fell from Little Mary's cheek onto the sidewalk, then slid into the storm drain, there to join in its course the mighty waters of the Los Angeles River and, eventually, Long Beach Harbor, with its state-of-the-art container-freight processing facilities.

Bill Mac Iver
Berkeley, CA

For Valentines:
Winner: Romance
Despite the vast differences it their ages, ethnicity, and religious upbringing, the sexual chemistry between Roberto and Heather was the most amazing he had ever experienced; and for the entirety of the Labor Day weekend they had sex like monkeys on espresso, not those monkeys in the zoo that fling their feces at you, but more like the monkeys in the wild that have those giant red butts, and access to an espresso machine.

Dennis Barry
Dothan, AL

Heroes

****SPOILERS*********

This week's episode was all about family drama:

Jessinicki had a cool metronome mirror thing, which called up Jessica, who then tasered the tar out of her poor therapist. Ouch. Linderman gets them released, and then Nicki has an adventure in the looking glass.

Wouldn't it be cool if she got stuck in one of those glassey high rises? And she could run through all the offices and make people think it was haunted? That's what I would do. I'd steal all their staples, and switch the coffee randomly between caff and decaff.

Cause I'm evil like that.

Peter had one of those falling dreams, except that he wasn't asleep and didn't wake up in time.

I'm pretty sure that last sentence makes total sense in context.

I love Peter's teacher, who proves that someone beside Hiro can have good lines. His justification for pitching Peter off a roof (Fly Peteh!! FLY!!) was awesome.

Sulu is not the world's greatest dad. I liked Hiro's sister though. Together they make him see the light, and everyone is happy.

There was a romantic subplot or something going on there between the artist and the Love Interest girl.

Ms. Torch seems lovely, and the revelation about Claire's Dad reduced all conversation in my house to "NO WAY!!"

Claire will be ready to join the CIA by the time she graduates high school. She's gotten so sneaky and clever.

The whole Sylar thing with MEG and Mrs. MEG was intense. Wow. That's pretty much all I have to say about that.

I feel bad for Mrs. MEG though, and her poor much abused brain.

Apparently, the roof with the pigeons is very important and symbolic, even though it does not resemble the letter A. (Sorry, channeling my honors english teacher there)

Boring cop did not make an appearence this episode, but the previews for next week show him duking it out with Jessinicki, and getting his trash kicked. This made me cheer, and BSA told me I was evil.

Sightings of the mysterious symbol of strange mystery: 1

Yeah!! I saw it! I saw it! I saw it!

What do you guys think? What's up with the pigeon roof? Will Jessinicki kill boring cop guy? Will we finally see Linderman? And what about tick tock ticking Sylar??

The Rage

Ever get the small pit of anger that's burning deep, deep inside your center?

Must be time for Vampires.



And of course, Evangelion.



One more:



Kay... I feel better.

The Wasteland, by T.S. Eliot

Speaks to me.

A woman drew her long black hair out tight
And fiddled whisper music on those strings
And bats with baby faces in the violet light
Whistled, and beat their wings
And crawled head downward down a blackened wall
And upside down in air were towers
Tolling reminiscent bells, that kept the hours
And voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.

In this decayed hole among the mountains
In the faint moonlight, the grass is singing
Over the tumbled graves, about the chapel
There is the empty chapel, only the wind's home.
It has no windows, and the door swings,
Dry bones can harm no one.
Only a cock stood on the rooftree
Co co rico co co rico
In a flash of lightning. Then a damp gust
Bringing rain

The Legend of Hot Dog Guy

* Not the actual hot dog guy

A little background for this story. It happened when I was just a young ninja, working in a convienance store during summer break from Ninja State University. As part of my initiation into the ranks of the employed, I had to clean..wait for it... the Hot Dog Machine. DUM Dum DUMMMM.

It was nasty. I'm talking Creature of the Black Lagoon nasty with the cloying grease, the thick hot dog rich odors, the mystery substance on the rollers that Would Not Come Off, and in the trap, the horrible sludge of hot dog water.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Anyway, the next day I went on my blind date with HDG. I had just gotten off and I was starving. He asked "So, what would you like to do?"

This really should've been my first hint that all was not well. Honestly, you should probably have some sort of clue before the girl gets in the car.

I replied, "I don't care as long as we eat. I'm starving."
He said Okay, and that we would meet up with some other couples to go out to eat, and did I have any preferences.

I told him "Anything but hot dogs" and preceded to tell him about my dreadful battle with the hot dog slime-generating machine of doom.

We drove to the dorms at BYU. This was my first "Really?" moment of the night, but I let it slide since we were supposedly meeting up with more couples for some sort of group date thing.

We ended up hanging out there for over 3 hours with various roommates and people. Playing basketball. Well he played basketball. He couldn't understand why I didn't play even though I repeatedly mentioned the fact that I hate playing basketball.

Apparently he didn't use such instensive critical anaylsis skills for his course work there.

I also couldn't get him to ditch his "friends" to do something else because this guy was a total pansy.

Perhaps the BYU dorm RAs meet out some terrible and horrific punishment for anyone who dares to leave a group date. Anyway, the people were waiting for finally showed up, told everyone they were dumb for waiting so long (Thank You!!) and we all drove down to someone's party. Where there was no food. So we went to yet another place with a "party" where there was an even bigger lack of anything edible.

I'm unfamiliar with BYU standards on partying, but I would assume it's okay to feed people who come to your house.

By now I was beyond angry. I spend most of time hanging out and bashing my date with another girl who was duped into this nightmare. That was the high point of my evening. HDG finally managed to find us and said that someone was going to buy some hot dogs so that we would have something to eat.

I managed to resist the urge to punch his smug face.

And then... AND THEN!! He asked me to pitch in 5 bucks for the hot dogs.

Words cannot describe my deep and abiding hatred for this loser. I chewed him out and sent him off to find food. He came back with hot dogs.

Did I eat one? Absolutely not. It was a matter of principle now. Although that didn't stop him from eating several right in front of me.

Fortunately by this time I had discovered that he was of a sensitive and delicate nature. So I had concocted a revenge scheme of telling every nasty, violent, gory story I knew. If I got him to puke, I'd win.

You know, more dates need detailed analysis of the symptoms of the bubonic plague. It builds character.

I also remember belittling his hobbies, studies, hopes, dreams and whatever else the fool was naive enough to tell me, with points scored for every person I could get to laugh at his expense.

This was my last blind date. There will not be another. I don't know if this is related, but I didn't date another church guy for 9 years.

UPDATE: I tell a lie. I was repressing another painful night in 2001 with yet another BYU Cheap-O. Honestly, where did we get this idea that if you take a girl someplace nice (and I'm not talking Ten Penh here, I'm talking freaking Chili's) than it's shallow and worldly, but if you drag her through some ghetto hell-hole it's charming and creative?

I blame that stupid Jack Wheylan book.

I guess the moral is: I'm a pretty low-key girl, but if you're a young, working professional and you take me to McDonald's and then the local sticky-shoe for our first date, I will totally make you pony up for popcorn, you cheap bastard.

Bummer

I bought a drink from the nice street vendor on my way to work this morning, and the top half is completely frozen.

Also, I'm no longer certain about the existence of my ears. I probably should have worn a hat.

Also also: strawberry milkshake pop tarts are the most fragile members of the pop tart family. Simply thinking about putting one in a toaster will cause it to instantly shatter into tiny pieces.

Oh frosted raspberry. I miss you so!

And I really need a drink to wash down these not-warm pop tart pieces. Thaw dang you!! Thaw!!

UPDATE: The Potomac looks really weird when it's frozen.

Brrr

It's flippin' freezing today!! Building management is strengthening our office ninja skills through extreme temperature training. Given how cold it is on the top floor, I can only assume that the rest of the building is populated by mutant ice zombies.

Do you know what sounds good?




I promise I'll post about Hot Dog Guy once my fingers have thawed out.

Friday Fun

Avatar AMV of the Spider-Man 3 trailer.

Happy Friday!!

Let's start our non-snow storm Friday with a little Star Wars.

Heroes: Report

Now with Spoilers!!

Here's what I learned this week from Heroes:

The manatee is also known as the sea cow.

Sing with me now:
Barbara Manatee Manatee
You're the one for me
Sent from up above
You are my only love!

Okay, I'm done with the manatees...for now.

Jessicki has a nice padded cell, with nice drugs and a nice therapist. In next week's previews, things are no longer so nice. Do you think she'll kill the therapist?

Mr. Kitty Pryde finds out that being a single parent is hard.

Cute kid takes his turn with a life of crime. It's practically a family hobby by now.

Boring psychic couple discover there's no longer any point to playing 20 questions.

Mohinder spent the episode wearing a manly salmon pink shirt, which he later accessorized with a lovely scarf. He also, apparently, had some lines about something.

Even when Big Bro Petrelli is being nice, he still comes off as a jerk.

Invisible Obi Wan doesn't want a padauin, until he changes his mind. What's behind this sudden shift from "I'll kill you" to "Search your feeling Luke?" My guess is Linderman.

I'm picturing Linderman as a mysterious hand stroking a white cat like the bad guy from Inspector Gadget, since we never see either of them.

Hiro and un-special Ando have the best lines.

Hiro's dad is SULU! And Evil!! Gulp!

Claire's mom is the human torch. My guess is that she started the fire which supposedly killed both of them 14 years ago when her powers first manifested.

The Chimes!! How could you forget to take down the stupid chimes!!

Whenever Sylar is awake, they play ticking watch noises. That's soooo Peter Pan.

The previews show Sylar attacking MEG, (Mr. Evil Glasses) and then running amok. I think MEG will survive though, he's too interesting a character to kill.

Of course, that's what they said about Eden. DUM Dum dum.

Sightings of the strange symbol of mysterious symbology: 0

Summer's Biggest Blockbuster

Naruto + Little Tortilla Boy.

Monday AMV

Another from ROD. What can I say, I'm especially fond of that anime.

Nan and "This Guy"

1. I have seen Firefly. Excellent series. I'm a fan of Mr. Whedon, and am currently enjoying his run on Astonishing X-men. He's also producing a comic of Buffy: Season 8.

2. I'm not going to LA. I watch 24, and so I know that LA is constantly being bombed, gassed, nuked, and overrun with wild cougar. If I want to visit a city that Hollywood is constantly trying to destroy, I'll go to NY.

3. Nan did tell me about This Guy (TG) but she needs to work on her marketing skills. She said you need a picture of me, even though my mouse in helmet is awfully cute. From the pictures she has of TG, I'm tempted to send the photo taken after my knee surgery, however, I like this one better.

Alert!!

I think it's time we all banded together, and combined our mighty powers to keep BSA from accessing this site.

Otherwise we'll be forced to face a horrible Schmooookypookiepoo fate. *shudder*

The Impossible Dream?

Lyrics from Don Quixote + Star Wars=happiness.

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

Per Request

Here's the birthday analysis for BSA.

Your Birthdate: January 2

You're so intuitive, it's like you have a sixth, seventh, and eighth sense. You connect with others freely and easily - and you tend to have many best friends. Warm and caring, it's hard for you to close your heart to anyone. Affection is like air for you - you need to give and receive it to survive. Your strength: Your universal compassion Your weakness: Your unpredictable mood swings Your power color: Mauve Your power symbol: Butterfly Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Now I know what you're thinking. This certainly doesn't sound like the chirpy vampire accountant from the stories,(Universal Compassion?) but I'm sure that's all part of her intense image PR campaign.

Or at the very least it explains all the hugging.

24 -Darn It!!

What the?!

Did anyone else know that today was national pie day?

Did I miss a memo or something? I feel so unprepared. I don't even have the groceries to whip up a quick pie.

Bummer.

WW's Bday

So Wonder Woman had a birthday, but what does it mean? Let's check the handy blogthings birthday quiz!

Your Birthdate: January 15

You take life as it is, and you find happiness in a variety of things. You tend to be close to family and friends. But it's hard to get into your inner circle. Making the little things wonderful is important to you, and you probably have an inviting home. You seek harmony with others, but occasionally you have a very stubborn streak. Your strength: Your intense optimism Your weakness: You shy away from exploring your talents Your power color: Jade Your power symbol: Flower Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

WW? Stubborn? FLOWERS!! Can it be true?!

And since I think she'll get mad at me unless I reciprocate, here's mine:

Your Birthdate: Classified Ninja Secret

You are more than a big ball of energy - you are a big ball of hyper. You are always on the go, but you don't have a type a personality. Instead of channeling your energy into work, you instead go for fun and adventure. Witty and verbal, you can have an interesting conversation with anyone. Your strength: Your larger than life imagination Your weakness: You tend to be pretty scattered Your power color: Lime Your power symbol: Lightening bolt Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Lime?? LIME??!! Hmmm, my power color is so tasty!

Random Star Wars

I laughed. And then I felt bad that I laughed.

Friday Fun

They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!

Story: Part the 19th

In which difficult moral questions are addressed. Also, featuring a new acronym!

The last grain of sand gently plopped down in the hour glass.
“Time!” called WW.
“Hah!” The faun proudly displayed his sheet of parchment with the words snaking down in an elegant cursive hand.
BSA glanced at the list and with a competitive smirk remarked, “Oh! It’s so cute and little!!” With a flourish she whipped out a large pile of parchment, which landed in the center of the glade with a very solid THUD.
“What is that!?” the faun stammered.
“Where I come from it’s called a ‘ream’” BSA continued smugly, “Of course, after I got bored finding all possible word combinations I also calculated your AMT.”
“But…but, I’m a mystical fantasy creature! I don’t pay income tax!” The faun stared at the parchment in horror. “You know what? Never mind. We’re not even going to compare lists. I just want you to go away.”
“Yeah! I win! I win! I win!” DFL triumphed before breaking into a hacking cough.
“All right little goat dude, tell us how to get home!” WW menaced.
With a sigh and a withering glare the faun began. “You will need to find a quartet of powerful and ancient wizards known only as 'The Croquet Players.' Their ways are ancient and mysterious. They can be found in the Menacing and Enchanted Forest.” he sketched a quick map in the snow. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m taking my Boggle game and going home.” With a huff the faun grabbed his game and ran out of the glade.
“Finally, the word game is over” TA sighed as she stepped out of the shadows.
“There you are!” WW pointed dramatically.
“This sucks” coughed DFL. “Look at this map, the forest is forever away and probably lacking in amenities. Blue and Frozen is not a good look for me!”
A thick fur coat sailed across and landed on DFL. “Sweet! Mink!”
Everyone turned and stared at TA.
“What?” TA put on her innocent eyes.
“You stole that faun’s Magical Bag o’ Stuff!! That means there Is No Receipt!” BSA gasped in horror.
WW stared at TA in shock. “You can’t steal. We’re the good guys.”
“The technical term is ‘protaganist’ and stealing is part of the ninja lifestyle. Why I remember back at ninja school. . .”
“Well you’re part of our group now and we have a firm No Stealing policy. Isn’t that right DFL?”
DFL was trying on her new coat. “Oh yes, horrible. Horrible. There’s no denying the moral implications that stealing has on our status as heros.”
A can of Diet Coke landed at her feet. “But obviously TA was just requisitioning much needed supplies for our quest. Including such desperate commodities as a pair of Sartore leather knee boots, a Marc Jacobs satchel, and Brad Pitt.”
The boots and the bag plopped over by the Coke. DFL tapped her foot impatiently, coughing intermittently.
“It’s a Bag o’ Stuff.” TA pointed out, “inanimate objects only.”
“This is wrong!” WW made a grab for the ninja, but TA evaded it easily. “Back me up BSA!”
“Give me one of those bags and a Coke and we’re good.” BSA shrugged.
“Fine.” Growled WW as her face went red, “Then I want some whole milk!”
TA distributed her bribes, er supplies. “Great, now let’s head to the forest.”

The four friends headed for the MAEF, not realizing that it is the fate of all wandering adventurerers to have a random monster encounter between sets. Er chapters. Quests. Whatever. They had just passed the snow line and were making their way through the muddy countryside when they were set upon by:

A: The Peanut Gallery
B: Hippies
C: Yama-Uba, the mountain crone
D: Ekibiogami: The Japanese god of epidemic diseases such as plague and pestilence

Monday AMV-late

What can I say? I love a nice long weekend. Here's an AMV based on anime that WW knows. Yeah! Apparently, Madonna's Die Another Day is quite popular for these things.

Friday Fun

"Nice web, Mr. Crack Spider"

This is a lovely educational film about the effects of drugs on web building spiders. The crack spider is my personal favorite.

Death of a Pop Tart

warm raspberry jam
broken pieces, shattered hopes
on the dirty floor

Random Star Wars

I really need to learn how to make movies like this. Because this is awesome.

Background

I thought it might be nice to have some background on the Shadowrun Drabbles. From Wikipedia:

Shadowrun is a cyberpunk-urban fantasy cross-genre role-playing game, set in the years 2050, 2053, 2060 or 2070 (depending on the game edition) following a great cataclysm that has brought use of magic back to the world, just as it begins to embrace the marvels (and dangers) of technologies such as cyberspace, omnipresent computer networks, genetic engineering, and the merger of man and machine called cyberware. Despite its departure in some respects from the "mainstream" cyberpunk genre, Shadowrun is perhaps the best-known and most popular RPG for this genre.

***
For our group specifically:

Many years ago, starving college students in a cold and wintery land gathered together to spend their evenings weaving tales, eating pizza, and cursing the dice. The ones I can remember are listed here:

Cast of Characters:

Hildy
Real Name: Brunhilda Avantegarde
Race: Human
Occupation: Lone Star Special Ops, Officer
Clothes: Business Casual, Leather Duster
Weapon: Ares Predator
Motto: What I lack in skill I make up for in enthusiasm!

Grunt
Real Name: Unknown
Race: Ork
Occupation: Lone Star Special Ops, Sergeant
Clothes: Three piece suit, fedora, and a pair of small gold-plated reading glasses.
Weapon: Assault Canon
Favorite Book: Pride and Prejudice


Cinder
Real name: Unkown
Race: Elf
Occupation: Fire mage
Clothes: Combat boots and pants, tank top, leather duster
Weapon: Her own fiery rage
Pet: A cat named Mr. Fluffers

Son-Ja
Real Name: Unknown
Race: Dwarf
Occupation: Samurai
Clothes: Armored kimono, jeans, sandals
Weapon: The enchanted sword of her ancestors
Special Skill: Physical Adept

Raven:
Real Name: Unknown
Race: Human
Occupation: Thief and professional snob
Clothes: Fabulous
Weapon: Poison
Greatest Fear: Flaming Jell-o
Interesting fact: Is currently wanted for questioning by Papal Guard Intelligence

Drabble: Illegal Parking

You know, keeping this sucker to 100 words is especially difficult since one of Hildy's character traits is to ramble on incessantly. Maybe I'll do one that's just Hildy talking.

Cinder stumbled groggly through her apartment, looking for coffee to help dispel the early morning gloom. Clad only in boxers and a tank top, with her curly red hair reaching desperately for the ceiling, the young witch still had the grace and ephemeral beauty of her Elvin race. She filled the coffee pot with water, focused, glared, and set it boiling on the stove. A sudden pounding on the door made her jump as an excited voice rang out, “Cinder! It’s Hildy! I need your help on amazing case! Hurry, I’m double parked and the meter maids here are vicious!”

Story: The Continuing

In which a faun posts his list.

Eyebrows furrowed in concentration the faun stared furiously at the boggle grid. The only sound in the glade was the furious scratching of feather pen on parchment as BSA scribbled like a madwoman. DFL, who normally was a boggle fiend, had succombed to the cold temperatures and lack of Diet Coke and was down with a nasty cold. TA was writing slowly and muttering something about Battleship and making "Kablooie" noises. WW was building a snowman, since word games were not a part of the Amazon way.

At last the final grains of sand in the ornate hourglass dropped and the contest was over. With a flourish, the faun produced his list:

Lawn
lawns
wan
pawn
pawns
mop
sin
sins
fit
sat
sate
lop
mite
mites
son
sons

Will BSA triumph? Will they ever get out of the snow? Will WW find a carrot for her snowman's nose? Will DFL manage to look fashionable while sick?

Stay tuned...

Apparently

Certain people out there don't think "naggery" is a real word. It almost pains me to point out that naggery is when someone combines chocolate and vanilla soft serve and puts it in a cone.

Just kidding. Obviously naggery is when someone combines the dark forces of nagging and flattery to wreak their horrible will.

Just wanted to clear that up.

Shadowrun Drabble: Kiss

For Dan. Curse your naggery!

A drabble is a short, 100 word story. A site I like offers a topic a day for a drabble. Today's was "Kiss."

The constant rains seeped through coats to produce a wearying, bone-deep chill. Forensics searched doggedly through the muck as rain-diluted blood seeped across the alley. Lone Star Officer Brunhilda Avantegarde surveyed the crime scene, wearing her best 'grim determination' face to hide her inner triumph. Responding officer! To a Homicide!! And Grunt was "investigating” in Bermuda! She would show them all. She gloved up and strode purposefully into the alley, ignoring the dirty looks of the techs, and frowned meaningfully at the Kiss Killer’s latest victim. She deftly plucked the scarlet wrapped candy from his forehead. “Cherry Cordial. That monster!”

Story: VLAWMIN is so a word!!

Before I start, there has been some complaining that I ignore votes and go with whatever my little heart desires. To stomp out this unfortunate and baseless accusation (seriously, if I wanted to do that, I'd just write the story) I now offer the tally from our last segment.

Boggle: Three
Battleship with sound effects: One
Trivial Pursuit: One


And now.. on to our continuation.


The faun reached deep into his sack and pulled out a small plastic container. The bottom was bright blue and held a 5X5 grid. Sitting in the grid were dice with various letters stamped on the sides. A clear shell over the top protected the dice.
“We play Boggle” the faun announced seriously.
“YES!!” BSA screamed as she raised her fists triumphantly in the air.
“Sweet!” DFL said as she settled herself comfortable in the snow.
“Crap.” Swore TA.
“Boggle?” WW asked confused.
“Boggle” the faun explained “is played with a tray of 16 letter dice, which is shaken to get 16 random letters”
“But there are 25 dice, because the grid is 5X5.” BSA asserted, showing off her mathematical skills.
“Obviously someone used a different random generator” the faun signed flicking a dirty look at TA. “Anyway, you have three minutes” the faun reached into the sack and pulled out an ornate hour glass, “to find as many words as you can in the grid, according to the following rules:
• The letters must be adjoining in a 'chain'. (Letter cubes in the chain may be adjacent horizontally, vertically, or diagonally.)
• Words must contain at least three letters.
• No letter cube may be used more than once within a single word
• No foreign words
• No names
• Any challenged words have to be found in the dictionary

The faun then pulled out a large, leather bound Oxford’s English Dictionary. “One point will be awarded for each word that you find, that no one else does. 2 points will be awarded for words with 6 letters. Whoever has the most points wins.”
The faun pulled out pens and pencils and distributed them.
“That bag is amazing.” TA sighed, looking at it speculatively. The faun inched it closer to his side.
WW’s face creased in a frown as she regarded her writing implements, “Hey, I thought this was supposed to be all like a fantasy environment but you gave me a bic!”
“Fine” the exasperated faun muttered. He swiped their papers and pens for parchment and ink feather pens. “Happy now?”
“Yes.” WW said smugly as she dipped her pen into the ink well.
“No.” stated BSA, TA, and DFL in horror.
“Good. Let’s start.” The faun picked up the grid and shook it vigorously. “Okay ladies, time starts… NOW!”

All right girls, have fun, no fights, no cheating, and no dumping ink wells over Wonder Woman’s head.

V O L I N
L P M J C
A W F I T
A N S E A
O S I S S

WW's Ranch

To the untrained eye, I spent the New Year's weekend watching the first season of 24. In actuality I was time traveling to the future, where I managed to get this footage from Wonder Woman's New Zealand ranch. Of course, it's disguised as a modern day commercial in order to avoid a paradox that would tear the fabric of space and time destroying all life as we know it because I'm considerate like that.



I also can't help but notice that all of your ranch hands are of the young and male persuasion you naughty girl.

Friday Fun

A little something to help SOME of us get through our work day.

*cricket*

Hey?! Where did everbody go? Was it something we said?

More than meets the Eye

Awesome.

Pachabel is stalking me!

A comedian's awesome rant about Pachabel's Canon in D. Although his little whine about only having 8 quarter notes to play struck no sympathy from me. He should try low brass. I had songs where I rested for 54 measures, followed by exciting whole notes of doom.



Greenday's Basketcase will always make me think of Pachabel now.

Why Wonder Woman!!

Look at you on Yahoo news. Hugging Random Strangers.



There's even video here.

Random Star Wars Post

Horoscopes for 2007

From The Onion.

Taurus April 20 - May 20
After years of wandering purposefully through life, a chance encounter this April will at last restore your faith in mere coincidences.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21
This year will mark the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, so there's really little point in speculating what it will hold for you.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Marriage will feature prominently in your life during the first half of 2007, while hope and an opportune flight of stairs will feature prominently in your life during the second half.



So marriage in the future for WW and BSA. You go girls!!

The Best of the Rest:

Libra September 23 - October 23
Learn to focus on the positives this year, instead of just dwelling on January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, November, and December.

Cancer June 22 - July 22
2007 might finally be the year when you take your life into your own hands and begin doing something proactive about your future. Keep checking back here to see if that's indeed the case.

Aries March 21 - April 19
You will be reunited with a long-lost love as soon as the last of the snow melts away in March.

And my personal favorite:
Pisces February 19 - March 20
The New Year will start out with a bang for you. Unfortunately, it will also end with a bang for you.

Chapter the Sixteenth

In which there are many exclamation points!!!!!!!1111!!!!!one!!!!

With the clickety-clack of little goat hooves a faun came tapping into the glade. He had a long red scarf wrapped around his neck to protect him from the cold. He also carried a small knapsack over his shoulder. He looked up and stopped as our heroes and faun stared at each other in shock.
TA was the first to recover, “I notice that you have neither packages nor umbrella, but so help me if your name starts with the letter ‘T’ I’m taking you down.”
“Oh my goodness deary me!” the faun started “no no no my name starts with a … ‘S’ Mr., uh Smith. Yep that’s me.” He said helpfully as he surreptitiously reached into the knapsack. “And since you all seem like such nice and kind people, I’m going to play you a little song” he brought out a small, elegantly carved pan pipe.
“Watch out he’s reaching for his piece!” With a mighty bound WW leapt across the glade and smacked the pipe out of the faun’s hands. She then slid behind him and locked him in a full nelson, threw him in a dragon suplex and finished with a spinning bulldog.
“Whoa. I think you killed him. That’s it, no more WWE for you!” DFL admonished.
“Murder is not the Amazon way. He’s just knocked out. Besides, he was going to use his pipes to control our minds, and fill them with dreams, fantasies and naughty dancing!! He had to be stopped.”
“Mind control?” DFL asked.
“Naughty dancing?” BSA asked.
TA picked the pan pipe out of the snow. “Don’t even think about it you two.” She said as she deposited the pipe in one of her many secret pockets. She looked at the bruised and bloodied faun and sighed. “We really need to talk to him. Dictator, do you think you could wake him up?”
“Sure.” DFL glided over and gingerly took hold of his hair, lifting the faun’s head. “Hello in there! Wakey Wakey!”
“That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“Well I should get paid extra for touching him in the first place. His hygiene is less than fabulous. I’m not about to saunter into his mind” DFL huffed.
“Great. I guess we’ll just have to wait for him to wake up.” BSA sighed, throwing a reproachful look at WW.
“I’m not apologizing. That was a beautiful Nelson! YOU should apologize. I’m not apologizing.” WW turned beet red as she folded her arms and refused to apologize.
So our dauntless heroes waited for the faun to wake up. BSA amused herself by tying him up (don’t ask where she got the rope from. Trust me on this, you don’t want to know) DFL filed her nails, TA meditated and WW tried to explain the pros and cons of a full nelson versus a three quarter nelson. Eventually, the faun regained consciousness.
“Ow.” The faun said.
“All right you little twerp” BSA (bad cop) started “You’re going to tell us everything you know or we’re going to let the Amazon bounce you around some more.”
“No. Stop. Don’t hurt this innocent and obviously harmless faun.” DFL (good cop) drawled in bored tones as she checked her manicure. BSA shot her a dirty look.
“All right look” the faun explained carefully through his bruised and puffy lips. “I’m a mythical creature, you’re obviously heroes on some sort of quest. I just can’t give you information. You have to earn it.”
“How do we do that?” TA asked.
“The usual. Solve a riddle, find some impossible thing, beat me in a game..”
“Game! I vote game!” BSA cheered.
“Very well, untie me and bring me my knapsack.” The faun reached deep into the sack and pulled out:

A: Chess
B: Battleship
C: Boggle
D: Trivial Pursuit: Pop Culture Edition

Nope, I still hate Stan.

Ha ha ha!! This lovely little clip combining Stan with Weird Al almost makes me feel bad about nailing him into a coffin. Almost.

I can hold my breath for 10 minutes!

Monkey Island outtakes set to anime.

Sigh, I miss that game. Any game that features a pack of piranha poodles is good with me.

Monday AMV

I thought I'd get one that WW is actually familiar with this time. I looked for Witch Hunter Robin, but they were all way too EMO for my tastes. So we get to watch Toph in all her awesomeness.

Chapter Whatever

In which BSA has some truly sparkling dialogue.

“I say we head west” WW stated authoritatively, striking leadership pose #23 for dramatic effect.
BSA gave an aggrieved huff, the wolf version of “I told you so” and bounded westward through the drifts.
TA leapt from the tree top and rolled elegantly to the side of her teammates as they followed.
“So why do you think we should go west WW?” DFL queried, trying to keep her mind off her freezing feet.
“Well,” stated WW, “I really wanted to go South and search for penguins and/or polar bears, but then I remembered something my favorite cartographer professor used to tell us.”
“Oh? What was that?” TA asked.
“Go West, young man. Go West.”
DFL and TA shared a confused look.
“I think that might have been a history professor” TA replied at the same time DFL helpfully pointed out, “But you’re not a man.”
“I know that!” WW flushed a bright red as she spluttered “What I meant to say was that whenever I’m drawing maps west always seems easier for some reason. So logically, the west on this map should be the easiest direction as well.”
DFL raised her eyebrows, “Logically. Of course, how could it be any different?”
“Of course.” TA agreed (eyebrow status unknown due to ninja cowl.)
Just then our heroes came out of the trees and into a little glade, where a single black, iron lamppost brought the awkward conversation to a merciful end.
BSA was beside the lamp post, head high as she sniffed the wind intently. DFL and WW walked out to join her as TA continued to skulk along the tree line.
“Something about this place seems awfully familiar” TA said softly, “I don’t trust it.”
“You’re right. I know I’ve seen this before” DFL mused thoughtfully, “Hallmark greeting card?”
Suddenly, BSA’s growl rattled the peaceful glade, hackles raised as she crouched for an attack.
“What is it girl? What’s wrong” WW asked breathlessly.
“Bark BARK BARK wuff wuff bark bark BARK BARK!!”
“What’s that?! Little Timmy’s down the well!?!”
There was a quick squooching sound as BSA morphed back into her terrifying accountant form. She fixed WW with steely glare, “Don’t make me hurt you.” She sighed and looked at the other girls. “We’re surrounded by lawyers. Prepare yourselves.”
As if sensing her words, thick shadows spilled through the trees, surrounding the glade in an inky black circle. The shadows continued to pile on themselves until resolving into roughly humanoid shapes in power suits and armed with briefcases. Above the collar, the shadows swirled lazily in the rough approximation of a head.
“We are here to protect the intellectual property of the Disney Corporation and the C.S. Lewis estate. You will be sued. Resistance is futile.”
Under her mask TA blanched, “Oh crap. It was an accident, I swear!”
“Intent is irrelevant. You will cease and desist, or you will be destroyed.”
WW snapped her fingers, “I knew this looked familiar!”
With blinding speed TA flipped a shuriken at the lamppost, shattering the light.
“There!” She said triumphantly, now it’s a busted lamp post in the middle of a glade. That hasn’t been copyrighted!”
There was a brief silence as the shadows considered the now broken lamppost. They slowly began to melt away, their presence lingering watchfully in the darkness of the forest.
“Yeah, you better run!” BSA scoffed, “Nothing is scarier than an accountant!”
“I wonder what their rates are.” DFL wondered as visions of power danced in her head.
“Phew, that was close.” TA sighed.
“Well, I guess we should continue going west” WW said, picking her way through smashed glass across the glade.
However, our heroines’ westward trek was interrupted by the arrival of:

A: An attack squirrel
B: A woodsman
C: A faun in a long red scarf
D: This option is currently under construction. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Monday

I have the returning to work blues. Fortunately, I have the antics of some stir-crazy squids to make things seem a little better.

Teen Starlets

Thanks to the guys at Robot Chicken, all the hype around Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spear et al., suddenly makes a lot more sense.

Plot-O-Matic the Third

DFL: A Fashion-ista's Revenge
an original screenplay concept
by The Author

Political thriller: An Jedi warrior teams up with a well-built female cyborg to find the true meaning of love. In the process they play Russian roulette with four British men on welfare. By the end of the movie they beat up 47 washed up ex-SNL cast members and end up winning the admiration of their world, living happily ever after.

Think Waterworld meets Cleopatra.

In my defense, Emperor Palpatine was a Dictator AND a Jedi Warrior, so I think it works here.

The Plot-O-Matic Strikes Back

BSA: Blood and Taxes
an original screenplay concept
by The Author

Romance: A sexy district attorney teams up with an alcoholic ex-CIA agent to commit the perfect crime. In the process they turn state's evidence on a nun. By the end of the movie they poison 5 double agents and end up winning the admiration of their co-workers, living happily ever after.

Think Gone With the Wind meets Interview with a Vampire.

Can you believe the Plot-O-Matic has no vampire option!!?? A sexy DA was the closest I could come to a blood sucking accountant type.

And what did the poor nun ever do to you?

The Plot-O-Matic

Here's a great site that helps you generate instant Hollywood gold.

site

What fun! Here's my epic starring our favorite Amazon:

Wonder Woman, Story of a Patriotic Leotard
an original screenplay concept
by The Author
Action: A war hardened soldier teams up with a cute dog named Jake to save the earth from aliens. In the process they accidentally kill a super intelligent chimpanzee. By the end of the movie they hijack 15 oogly aliens and end up winning the admiration of their universe, living happily ever after.

Think Die Hard meets Star Wars.

Ninja Day--Late

Yesterday was Ninja Day. I celebrated this prestigious day drinking Theraflu and sleeping through Return of the King. Hopefully, y'all had much better Ninja Days. Here are the Ask a Ninja guys, with the heartwarming tale of how Ninja Day got started.

Monday Music Video

Today our video is dedicated to WW, since I'm betting that she's the only one who can correctly identify all the instruments.

A Little Taste

Here are two shorts from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix showcasing Bellatrix and Luna Lovegood. Helena Bonham Carter brings the crazy as Bellatrix and I have to admit that I really like Luna, even without her glasses. I guess she fell prey to the pernicious "Only Harry Potter can wear glasses" lobby.

Story Acronyms

Cause I'm too lazy to write out names. Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!

Acronyms:

TA: The Author
BSA: Blood Sucking Accountant
DFL: Dictator for Life
WW: Wonder Woman

Story: The Nile is just a river in Egypt!

A quick note: The following contains gratituous adjective use. I love me my adjectives.


The sun sank in a blaze of glorious orange and reds as the evening waves lapped at the soft white sands of the isolated beach. Four wicker beach chairs faced the ocean, the only objects for miles on the empty sands. The first chair was fully reclined for maximum power lounging. An average height blonde with long hair was flopped on top of it, taking her relaxation to such an extreme that at first glance she appeared to be dead. Only the small movements of her fashionable dark red bikini offered subtle signs of life. The second chair was half reclining and held a small blond whose pink paisley string bikini warred with the sun for eye searing brilliance. She was happily sipping cold fruity drinks with umbrellas in them as a flock of chocolate ice cream cones headed south in a ragged v. Some of the ice cream melted in the tropical sun, falling through the air to plop in the sand next to the third chair. “Well that was close,” said a very, very tall blond in a patriotic one piece. She looked relaxed in her upright chair, but was ready to burst into action as her eyes continuously scanned the surroundings for bad guys, hippies, and lemonade stands. She also had sand in her short cropped hair. She wasn’t sure how that happened, but was blaming TA for it anyway. The fourth chair was shrouded in shadow from an enormous beach umbrella. At first it appeared empty, but deep within the murky confines was a small ninja, in full ninja battle dress.
“You know” BSA remarked as she slurped the slushy remains of her second pina colada, “it wouldn’t kill you to wear a swimsuit to the beach.”
“Ninjas don’t do beachwear” came TA’s reply from deep within the chair, “where would I put my shuriken?”
“I thought ninja were supposed to blend in with the crowd” DFL drawled lazily.
“No, ninja are supposed to remain unseen until unleashed on are unsuspecting targets.” TA replied, pride in her voice at her un-alliteration.
Just then a flock of flamingoes landed, produced top hats and canes, and began a tap dance routine.
“You know” said WW, “This is getting really hard to be..”
“DON’T say it!!” demanded an alarmed DFL, propping up on her elbows, “I like this place. Just don’t look if it bothers you.”
BSA nodded in agreement as she grabbed a tiki cup from the sand. This one had two umbrellas and a fruit ka-bob. Excellent.
So the four girls continued to enjoy the peace, tranquility, and magic drink producing sands until a man in CSI coveralls wandered up and began collecting flamingo feathers into an evidence bag.
“Oh come on!” exclaimed TA “He’s doing that all wrong! Your hands aren’t even gloved you doofus!!”
There was a horrible tearing sound as reality reasserted itself and our heroes found themselves back in the cold wet snow: in a toga, a dog, jacketless and up a tree respectively.
“Bummer” stated WW.
“The AUTHOR!!” DFL shouted.
“Sorry!” TA called from her tree perch, “But he was doing it WRONG!”
“Great,” grumbled DFL, “now I’m cold and wet again and we don’t even have a fire”
“Well” TA mused aloud, “there’s this Jack London short story about a guy who tries to kill his dog so he can warm his hands inside its guts and keep from freezing to death.”
They all looked over at BSA, who flattened her ears and growled, showing all her teeth.
“Not that We would ever do such a thing” DFL remanded, throwing TA a dirty look.
“No no, of course not! I was only discussing literature.”
“We should really get going” WW said nervously. She definitely did not want her teammates to start fighting each other. “So, let’s head ..”

A. North
B. West
C. East
D. There is no South. Let’s say, oh I don’t know, let’s say it ends in a big cliff. Pick a different direction.

Darth Vader

Who knew he had a sense of humor?

Music Monday

In order to help with post-Thanksgiving digestion, I have another Evangelion AMV which is based on Asuka. It's Euro-pop, so I have no idea what they're saying, but I'm guessing it's along the lines of: Don't mess with the neurotic German girl.




Geektastic!

Friday Fun

I'm happy to announce that the summer blockbuster season will start with the awesome Spiderman 3 movie.

Also, in completely unrelated news, the two crazy church ladies have reached a tentative peace agreement through a time share option on the bench outside the Episcaplion church.
Original crazy church lady has it in the morning, while the interloper is there in the afternoon.
I for one am glad, as I prefer just general crazy instead of angry violent crazy on my way to work in the morning.

Music Video Monday

Actually, today it's more of a choice music moment than a video from our friends at the Country Music Awards. Keep your eyes on Faith Hill and enjoy. Who knew country could be so fun?



Now, I know what you're thinking. This is a pretty main stream, practically normal video clip. Well, since I know you're all relying on me for geekstatic, and since I will be unavailable next week, I'll make it a twofer.

FYI: New comment thingy

We actually got spammed!! A crack team of anti-spam ninjas has been dispatched, but in the meantime, I've turned on word verification.

All this means is, after you've made your comment, you have to typed in the funky word in the little box (mine was bright green) and your comment will post.

Friday Fun

The Eragon trailer. Nuff said.