Amazing Race and other TV updates

Whiny man is gone!!!!!! WHINY MAN IS GONE!!!!

And all because is picky, overly-sensitive, vegetarian self couldn't wolf down Sheep Butt Fat stew.

It was exciting that both teams risked the fast forward, but Whiny-Man team should have left the minute they saw it was a food challenge.

Plus the Mom and Son team were rocking it this week! I loved that they had so much fun with their cow costume. I loved the Mongol warriors, and that Gold Eagle was beautiful.

So all and all a good week!

Now we just need to lose the Frat boys and all the annoying people will be gone.

Heroes:

Was basically a big long flashback to show us all how EEEeeeeeeeeevvvvil Pa Petrelli is.

Remember way back when was Heroes was actually good and Linderman the mob guy was the only ridiculous thing about the Petrellis?
Well Pa Petrelli placed a hit on Nate, (his son) because Nate, as a DA, was going after Linderman.
Ma Petrelli disagreed and with the help of the Haitian, poisoned Daddy-O, but was unable to kill him all the way dead.

And this little bit of family drama resulted in the convoluted mess we have today.

Seriously, that's all they explained.

Except that Pa was rewriting Ma's brain everytime she disagreed with him. Which makes her a little more sympathetic, but she's still pretty evil all on her own.

Oh wait! We did learn that Fire Mom is Blue Flamey Guy's sister, and that she worked for the company briefly, until she helped her brother escape and the resulting firefight (literally) between those two and the company agents caused the train fire where Claire first used her ability to save a firefighter.

That part was cool.

Let's see, at the very end Hiro woke up to find Future Seeing Guy dead, because apparently his powers conveniently stopped working. Pa Petrelli then proceeds to attack/kill Hiro.

Let's hope he fares a little better. Although if they had the bad guys win and ended the series, I'd have to give them props for an ending no one saw coming.

Tuesday TV

My arms are sore, so this may be a little short.

In the Amazing Race the racers went to Cambodia,which they are pretty sure is in Asia. This didn't stop them from trying to communicate in Spanish. I love our little dunderheads.

They got to go to a village built entirely on water, including an enormous floating basketball court. Then they went to Angur Wat, the largest religious complex in the world. It looked amazing.

Aja and Ty got eliminated, as we knew they would be. They're plane was so far behind, they never had a chance. Although the producers tried to use sneaky editing to make it look more suspenseful.

Heroes:

Future Painter wants Hiro to go back into the Past and fix everything. Hiro says no, because last time he did that he spent forever on some boring story in feudal Japan and the ratings tanked. So Painter dude drugs him and sends him on a "vision quest" so he'll finally wise up.

Elle (lightening girl) makes her way to Claire's house and we learn that, like the Witch of the West, Elle doesn't fare so well against a bucket of water. Turns out that something short-circuited during her battle with Sylar, and now Elle can't turn her powers off.

So Elle and Claire head to Bad Guys Inc, where they heard they can get help.

Mama Petrelli wakes Sylar up and sends him after Peter. Sylar saves Peter, in the best moment of the night, and then just as it was getting good, has yet ANOTHER 180 turn around, and is back to being a villain.

Seriously, I feel like Sylar's constant change of heart is a solid basis for either a drinking game, or tv bingo. It passed the point of ridiculousness ages ago.

Sylar throws Peter out a window, and Peter lands in front of Elle and Claire. Claire helps Peter escape, and Elle joins the bad guys anyway, because anything is better than being a walking static ball.

Not-Nicki and Nate decided to talk to Mohinder, even though this never works out. Mohinder-spider grabs Miya, and heads off to Bad Guys Inc. where Papa Petrelli takes all of weepy girl's powers, and sends her back to whatever South American country she originally came from. ( I forget) Papa P also kills off Parkman's evil psychic Dad, so that's two irritating characters down in one episode.

Speedster joins up with Boring Parkman, whose amazing psychic abilities can't seem to ferret out that she's actually acting on orders as a double agent. Even when she's having said evil phone call 5 FREAKING FEET AWAY from his stupid psychic brain.

I hate you Parkman. So. .. MUCH... even Jean Grey was never this naive.

So the teams as we fade to black:

Good Guys:
Powerless Peter
Claire
Nate
Not-Nicki
HRG
Flame Lady
Mama Petrelli

Bad Guys:
Papa Petrelli
Fear Man
Blue Flamey Guy
Sylar AGAIN
Mohinder
Speedster Girl

Doing who knows what:
Elle
Parkman
Hiro/Ando
Future Painter Guy

People who've mysteriously dropped off the face of the planet:
Nate's wife
Nate's kids

People who were left in the future and then never heard from again, thus leading us to assume that they're still in the future, causing a massive snarl in the space-time continuum that will eventually result in a paradox that will destroy the universe:
Peter's Irish girlfriend from last season

Heroes: Total Weirdness

So total weirdness this week.

Heroes was actually...okay. Parts of it were even...enjoyable. I'm not sure I know how to react to this strange new development.

Ando Lives!! Hiro actually used his powers with some intelligence to fake Ando's death.

In fact, my favorite part of the show this week had to be when Hiro was trying to outwit a guy who can see the future by manipulating time. It ended with Hiro getting some sense smashed into him with a shovel. Let's hope it sticks. Stupid Hiro is sooo annoying.

Not-Nikki actually used her powers to get away from Mohinder-spider. Amazing I know!! That's two intelligent uses of powers in one episode! You know, the Nikki-clones have always been the smart ones of the series. She busted herself and Nate out of there, and judging by the previews for next week, calls the cops on He-lob.

Claire, Mom, and Not-Mom were all captured by creepy Puppet Guy, but then Claire managed to rescue them after a tense round of Russian roulette. Claire seems to have finally learned her lesson. After finally freeing herself from the Puppet Guy's control, she resisted the urge to monologue and just hit him in the head with a chair.

You go Claire!

Boring Psychic Parkman showed up at the airport with his turtle, and told Speedster girl that he saw the future, and they were married, and had a kid, and he loves her, and he's here to rescue you!

Creepy=Very Yes. I don't care how true it is, some things you should just keep to yourself.

Let's see. Sylar wakes up Peter so they can save Mom, but Peter can do it by HIMSELF thank you very much and storms off in a world class tanty (thanks Pushing Daisies! I love that phrase)

Big Bad Pappa Petrelli absorbs people's powers by touching them. Like Rogue, but without any of the negative effects. He drains Adam to dust (literally) so he's all healed up. He then takes all of Angry Peter's powers with a hug. Silly stupid Peter.

So now we have two uber duper super powered people walking around the Heroes universe. You know Heroes writers, super powers are cool and all, but it's the weaknesses that make the characters interesting.

Of course, now only Sylar can take on Dad, thus cementing his flip from bad guy to misunderstood good guy.

I wonder if they're going to drag that out all season long. We can all see it from here Heroes. You're not fooling anybody.

Whoa!!

I almost saw a guy get pancaked today on 95. Some poor brave, desperate soul booking it across four lanes of interstate traffic with a gas can.

He barely made it, but I had that awful sinking feeling when you know you're about to see something horrible but can't really do anything about it.

Bleh.

So I totally missed recapping Heroes last week! Sorry about that. A short week shouldn't be that stressful, but my work managed to stuff 8 days worth of stress into 4 long days.

Let me see if I can remember.

Claire continued down her dark, angsty path of teenage disaffectedness. This involved a weird side story where she tried to collar a villian who was just misunderstood! He created swirling black holes of doom into another dimension and accidentally sucked people through.

So Claire felt all bad for him and then like her Dad totally showed up with like Sylar! Total Grossness!! And then like Claire totally wigged out because her Dad was like totally clueless about her serious heavy baggage but then he was like "Oh I just brought Sylar here so he could be sucked into a black hole!" and she's like "Dad, that's so not cool!" and then Sylar was like "Dude. Even though I'm back here by the car, I have like total super hearing, so I can hear you plotting. my death." and then the vortex man was like, "I'm so sick of this plot that I'm going to suck myself away!"

And then he did.

Spider-Mohinder, in an attempt to hasten Sigourney Weaver's guest appearance, is webbing people into cocoons, including weepy-death girl, despite the fact that last season she killed everyone within 5 miles anytime she saw a Hallmark commercial. The fact that somehow she couldn't even take out freaking Mohinder is just annoying.

I just want to point out that Sigourney Weaver guest starred on Eli Stone this week, so my SW theory here is highly plausible, and would make Heroes awesome.


Speaking of Hiro, he and Ando continued acting like total morons, ending with Hiro stabbing Ando for reasons I couldn't bring myself to care enough to try and understand.

But if Ando is really dead, I'm done with this show. You hear me Heroes?!! I will recap Pushing Daisies!! An awesome show with clever writing, satisfying storylines, and quotable lines!

Let's see, what else happened. Claire's mom, in an attempt to save Claire from her own teenage drama stupidity, went after another villain "The PuppetMaster" just in case Claire went there to make her dramatic bounty hunter statement.

However, she was full of fail, and is now being held captive by a creepy, fat, balding guy in a wifebeater.

Oh yeah! Parkman's annoying Dad is the one pulling all the strings by projecting the dead evil dude into everyone's brains, but he's actually working for Peter Petrelli's Dad, who's some sort of super-powerful psychic but also a bed-bound vegetable, in a total ripoff of Professor X.

Heroes Recap: The Dire Future

I miss when Heroes was an action series and not a bizarre soap opera.

So most of this episode took place 4 years in the future, so we can all get an idea of the horribleness that everyone is supposed to prevent.

IN THE FUTURE:

Claire is evil, and has dyed her hair brown to prove it. Really Heroes? Why not go all the way and just give her an evil goatee to go with it?

Since I just dyed my hair "truffle," you may now call me Evil Corbeau.

Evil Claire kills Future Peter by shooting him. With a normal handgun. In the chest. And he dies. Despite the fact that he got Claire's healing/immortality in Season 1, and has survived falling off buildings, being shot, electrocuted, a full on power shoot out with Sylar, having sharp pointy things jammed in his head and oh yeah, a Freaking NUCLEAR EXPLOSION, he dies from a couple of rounds.

While Future Peter lies improbably dead, Present Peter and Evil Claire spend the rest of the episode having angst filled conversations.

Before Future Peter dies, he tells Present Peter that to stop the badness, he needs to find Future Sylar and take his brain eating powers. I can hear you now. "But Corbeau," you're saying, "that just doesn't make any sense at all!"

Future Sylar is spending the future as Mr. Cleaver, complete with cute Leave it to Beaver moppet. Peter gets Sylar's power, and the Moppet gets killed by Evil Claire and her gang. Sylar goes splodey, taking a good chunk of California with him.

OH YEAH, sigh. Apparently, Sylar really is the secret Petrelli sibling that no one ever knew about. Soon, everyone in this show is going to be a member of the Petrelli clan. It's like that run in the X-men where every other high power mutant turned out to be related to Cyclops.

I don't like this, since it turns the global crisis into an inter-family squabble.

NEXT Season, On Heroes: The World is destroyed when Sylar brings blueberry pie to Thanksgiving dinner, even though he knows that Peter HATES blueberry. Can Hiro make it to the past and save the world, armed only with his wits and a recipe for pumpkin?

Sorry. Back to the recap:

Speedy chick has given up her punk/art thief ways, her condo in Paris, and adventurous lifestyle for the fat psychic cop, a cramped NY apartment, and a bad hair cut. I don't buy it. How on earth does the speedster wind up with the cop? Where did the maternal drive come from? Is love truly THAT blind?

And speaking of eye-sores, Mohinder has turned himself into a newt. He spends most of the episode scuttling behind objects, but based on the scales and slime he's creating in the present, I expect that Sigourney Weaver will soon be along with a flame thrower to finish him off.

So Present Peter has Sylar's power and 'hunger' and does the forehead cutting thing with Nate, who then improbably dies, despite the fact that Peter didn't finish scalping him. Present Peter returns to the present, and got into a name calling contest with Sylar about who was the bigger monster.

Let's see, did anything else happen?

Oh yeah, Ice girl found out the Mad Scientist who created her was funded by The Company, that there was no stopping her powers, and then she tried to kill herself by jumping off a bridge, but Nathan flew in and saved her.

Heroes Recap: Now with more Details

Per request, my recap will be a little bit longer.

Ooohh when Ma Petrelli is wicked she is really really wicked. Now that she's in charge of the company, she's using her creepy subliminal suggestion powers to get Sylar to work on her side. She pairs him up with HRG (Horn Rimmed Glasses) to go after the escaped bad guys.

Escaped bad guys break into a bank as some sort of elaborate vengeance plot.

Scarecrow uses the fear of the hostages and punches out Magneto's heart. No lie. The bad guys also discover that Peter is inhabiting Evil Jesse's body.

Future Peter shows up, grabs Present Peter from Evil Jesse's body and takes him into the future.

Sylar then walks in and eats all the bad guys. Textbook bad guy retrieval right there.

Actually, HRG shoots one, Scarecrow gets away, and I think Sylar only eats one guy, but these are just minor details.

Claire's all angry and rebellious after being attacked by Sylar, so her Firestarter mother shows her some tough love to show her that being invulnerable is not the same as being invinicible. Unfortunately it doesn't work and Claire absconds with a banker box.

DUM Dum dum.......

Boring cop guy is still in Africa, where he discovers a mutant who's entire ability revolves around painting boring cop guys future. I can't stand this guy after two seasons, and the medicine man's been stuck painting boring cop's storylines his whole freaking life.

Worst. Power. Ever. No wonder he's on drugs.

Trish (the girl who's Nikki but not Nikki) goes to New Orleans to investigate why her teeth are so creepily straight. Seriously, there in a perfect line. They're like George Washington's wooden teeth or something.

Anyhoo, she arrives at Nikki's funeral, so Nikki really is dead, and awfully pretty for someone who died in a fire. Although she does have the requisite facial scar that is this show's shorthand for serious trauma. After talking with cute kid, we learn that the Evil Scientist character has finally arrived and has been growing mutant kid clones for science fair ( X-files totally did this plot) and that's why Trish looks like Nikki, but has different powers.

Ando and Hiro are still chasing the formula, and they're banter with Speedy Chick was fun. They attempt to get the formula from the Hatian, but mess it up and now Speedy Chick has the entire formula to destory the world.

DUM DUM Dum dum dum....

Next Week: The rise of Dark Claire!

Heroes Recap

No Heroes. No NO NO!!

You do NOT get to make Mohinder, Monhinder of the salmon shirts and pretty orange scarves, you do not get to make THAT Mohinder into freaking Wolverine.

So now that that's out of the way, here's my recap:

Claire stars in her own horror movie. Why does everyone think that one stab/strike is enough to take Sylar down? Why not just keep hitting him while he's down?

Speaking of Sylar: He's freaking invincible now. Just FREAKING great.

A lot of people who were supposed to be dead are alive.

Nate is alive and born again.

Evil Future Peter is alive and running around messing things up, including turning Present Peter into a thug.

HA HA!! Boring psychic cup is dumped in the African desert.

We have ANOTHER future painter?

Ma Petrelli can see the future!! In dreams..... She's also taken over the company, which means they might actually be effective.

Veronica Mars fries Sylar, and gets downsized. She also joins the wicked face scar club.

A whole bunch of villains have been loosed, including Magneto, Banshee, and the Scarecrow, but with different names. HRG will get them though.

Lets see, who am I forgetting? Oh yeah!

Hiro is a freaking moron. I guess it's necessary for the release of the season's macguffin but COME ON..

I like Speedy Thief though.

So is Jessica/Nicky dead or what? Who is this Tricia political chick with her terrifingly plank like teeth and super ice powers?

WHOA!! A Sylar/Ma Petrelli team up? That's just too terrifying to even imagine.

Heroes Season Finale Blogged LIVE!

Well, I'm writing this as I'm watching it anyway.

Mohinder's nose band aid is adorable. I wish it were SpongeBob though.

Maya just realized that Sylar is evil. Well, no duh Maya. It's about time you realized how dumb you are.

Hey, Molly is awake.

Mohinder...you just... ugh. You moron.

Yeah!! Momma Petrelli! I love complex bad guys.

"One bullet. Right through the head. It's the only way." I love Momma Petrelli!! She gives me chills.

Nate and Boring Cop better hurry up.

Hiro is so cool.

Oh Noes!! Hiro got zapped.

Adam, give Hiro back his sword you JERK!!!

Why does Peter believe Adam so implicitly?

Claire's going public. By using a phone book?!

Oh, poor little psychopathic Veronica. Now Elle's talking with HRG! Sweet.

I just realized that HRG is doing the ball bounce from the beginning of The Great Escape.

Holy crap, I forgot all about Nikki dying.

NOW you decide to start asking pertinent questions? Peter, you moron.

Why doesn't Mohinder just go ahead and use the wrong dosage to kill him? "Sure, here's the antidote." Stick him, he dies, everyone goes home happy.

Elle's using her Veronica Mars detective skills. She probably stops Sylar. Go Elle!! Kick BUTT!

Brainiac is screwing up traffic patterns all over New Orleans.

I'm impressed Nate could carry Boring Fat Cop all that way.

Flyboy's still around? Why? Oh man, even his dialogue is lame.

Claire's not going public. oh wait she is, just not about Flyboy.

Mr. Muggles wants you to go Public.

Daddy's home!

Ha! Maya's going to learn that bro is dead, and she's is going to flip out.

Or not. Wow, that was the most pointless story arc ever. "Maya and Alejandro drive Sylar to NY, and then he murders them. The End."

I'm always amazed that ER is still on. Oh for pity's sake!! He's going to kill you anyway Mohinder.

ohhh, HRG is crying.

If Peter kills Hiro I will hate him forever.

All my friends that helped me save the world last time are all just really confused and/or evil, so I'll just fight/kill them. Come on Peter. Use your brain.

Thank heavens Nate is here. He always was the smart one.

Now Nate is going public. I'm starting to detect a theme.

YES!! Good shooting Elle. It's about freaking time.

You saved Maya instead of Nikki? Mohinder You MORON!

Go Nikki! Club that thug.

No! Don't kill off NIKKI!!!! That poor kid. He lost both his folks to fire.

whoa... Hiro...that's way harsh. Adam is living every claustrophobe's nightmare for eternity.

So Sylar is still running amok? AARRGHH!

So Nate actually did go public. Nate. He gets things done.

Nate gets assassinated??!! But who will do all Peter's thinking?!

Crap, that's two characters that I actually like.

ooohhhh, what did Momma Petrelli mean by "Pandora's Box?"

So, Slyar's all better and now has his powers back. Thanks alot Mohinder.

Heroes Recap will be Delayed

Due to TNT's "The Closer" two hour special that's on tonight. Brenda Lee and Fritz plus holidays and awkward family gatherings? That is comedy gold my friends.

Thank Yew!!

I might not be able to watch it tomorrow either, as I have been drafted for the work bowling league and tomorrow is our first match.

Sure sure, laugh it up. I told them I only bowl a 60, but they said it didn't matter. If I humiliate myself, I'll be sure to write for the blog. (minor historical revisions are highly likely.)

Heroes: Exceptionally Late Edition

AAHH!! I miss one freaking episode of the entire season and it's the one where Mr. Evil Glasses GETS SHOT??!! Are you kidding me?!

That's okay though, because he's only mostly dead.

Oh well, here's my recap:

Maya the Moron deserves whatever she gets. Die Maya Die!!

I so did not need to see Sexy Shower Sylar. Die Sylar Die!!

Perhaps they could take out each other, thus satisfying the "2 Heroes Shall Fall" clause of the previews prophecy.

Adam is evil! At last we know for sure.

Peter is still really gullible. And suddenly very concerned about Irish girl. Did he remember her last episode or something?

Last Week: ON Heroes:

Peter: Oh yeah, There was this Irish girl that I left behind in a horrible disease ridden future. I should, like, try to rescue her or something.

Adam: Santa Claus also wants you to pick up the winning lotto numbers while you're in the future. To, you know, help fund the Save the World Campaign.

Peter: Well, if Santa says it's okay, and it's to save the world, then sure!

Anyway, back to my recap.

Ando gets left behind. Again. Why do they keep doing this? Have they forgotten how awesome Ando is? Free Ando!!

Nikki will live.

Could Mohinder get any more preachy? I can't even give you a fashion report anymore because he keeps showing up in that indestructible white suit; speechifying with quivering, righteous fury.

Copycat girl apparently forgot that she watched a bunch of karate movies and got kidnapped by thugs. Maybe her copycat talents have a time limit?

Veronica Mars got injured somehow, and also apparently forgot that she can shoot lightening out of her hands.

Come on Veronica, don't let Claire push you around!!

This should be Flyboy's last week, so that's a plus.

I feel like I'm missing something. Did I miss something? What do you, the viewers at home think?

Heroes--Flashback!

So in this episode we learned about what happened in the four month lapse between seasons. It filled in a lot of backstory, but wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be.

Here's my recap:

Hey it's DL! He's alive! Oh no wait, he's dead again.

Is it just me, or is Peter really gullible? I mean honestly, he believes everything anyone tells him.

Nate should be dead. Honestly.

Ma Petrelli brought out her cold mean side, keeping her family's mutant powers secret by telling Nate's wife insanity ran in the family.

That's cold.

I also want to know how Mrs. Patrelli and the Haitian are connected. He also helped her during the first season.

Alejandro of the death twins has horrible taste in women. Poor guy also had the worst wedding ever.

Veronica Mars is a sociopath!! Also, for a girl who's been in a facility for 16 years, she does pretty well driving around a foreign country.

Nikki has another personality named Gina. Prompting me to wonder, ala Wakko Warner, "Just how many people do you have in there?" Having several personalities all warring for control could be interesting, but I bet we only saw her for the whole random side trip to LA to kill off DL.

So, is it Adam/Good Bob/Bad, or is it Bob/Good Adam/Bad. Who will really save the world?

Heroes--With Startling Revelations!!

This episode reminded me of why I got all wrapped up in this show in the first place.

The pacing was fast, the plot neatly interconnected, and the story full of stunning revelations!

Lets go over some of them:

Turns out the virus that Bob and Co. are manufacturing will wipe out 93% of the world's population.

And that boys and girls is why we don't design uber-bugs. Didn't any of those people see The Stand? The movie in which Molly Ringwald sets a whole new standard for "whiny?"

Back to Heroes, Ma Petrelli remains classy, even in an apocalyptic future. I think her power may be a really subtle compulsion. Think about it. Everyone ends up doing what she tells them to. Peter even recovers a bit of his memory, just because she said so.

And now, for my list of astonishing revelations. All Astonishing Revelations will be duly noted with an exclamation point of wonder and surprise at the end.

Irish girl gets left behind in an unpleasant future!

Jessica/Niki gets infected with the super drug!

Mohinder is a horrible spy!

Claire becomes relevant again!

Parkman grows a pair!! (That one was shocking enough for two exclamation points of wonder)

Molly wakes up!

Bob may or may not be evil!

Honestly, has anyone figured out his agenda yet? I haven't. Truly, he is a worthy of opponent for MEG.

Hiro is his own boyhood hero! (I totally called that, and I loved his little Ye-haa! yell)

Kensei is Adam!!!! I totally DID NOT call that one! Hiro helped create the Big Bad who's been actually controlling the Big Bad!! And also, he may or may not be evil.

Love that ambiguity.

I can't wait for next week, which promises to resolve even more plot issues. Yeah!!

Heroes-Now with more ambiguity

We were deep cleaning our house until 11 last night, and then we camped out on my air mattress in the living room to watch Heroes on DFL's little personal tv. Yes, I stayed up til midnight, just so I could bring ya'll my Heroes review.

That's just the kind of dedicated blogger I am.

This episode was Parkman-free. Yeah!

Molly is still asleep.

PAY-tuh makes it to Montreal, and learns that once again the world is in peril. Instead of saving the cheerleader, this time he has to bring down The Company.

Last season had better catch phrases.

HRG and The Haitian reminded us why they were the best villains last season. The interrogation of the Russian was very La Femme Nikita-esque.

They find the rest of the paintings, but none of them are very helpful. HRG wonders "but what does it mean?"

I'm right there with ya pal.

Hiro has broken the space-time continuum. I have no idea where the writers are going with this. Will it give rise to an entire alternate history, and that's why NY is destroyed? Or will Hiro re-go back into time to inform his self to ditch the girl?
Who knows.

Mohinder takes a stand, and now Nikki is babysitting him. Or possibly Jessica. I think it's Nikki pretending to be Jessica. Or perhaps it's Jessica who's assimilated Nikki.

Gah! It's enough to give a girl a headache.

Copycat has an ipod and a one-woman mission to clean up New Orleans. That storyline would actually make for a really good comic. I'm glad she still has her powers. She's one of my favorite characters.

Sylar's still creepy. Maya is still dumb as a post. She's moved from "I killed them by accident so it's okay" to "I killed them because they were in my way, and that's okay."

I fear for the workers in the inevitable construction that will slow their road trip East.

Future Maya dialogue:
"They didn't turn the Stop sign to Slow fast enough. They had to die!!"
"What do you mean the canyon is closed?"
"Last rest stop for 100 miles? DIE!!!"

Heroes-Now with Veronica Mars!

Well, now we know where Peter got his lightening powers from.

So our favorite teenage detective is still detecting, can shoot lightening from her hands, and is just the teensiest bit evil, in a fry patronizing Irish-men kind of way.

She's also still working for her dad.


No not that guy. Lightening powers. Evil. Bizarre cargo container plots? Obviously her Daddy is this guy.



The Diabolical Doctor Doom!! And Doom will not be stopped by a mere Irishman.

As the offspring of Doom, only the Fantastic Four will be able to stop her!

Let's see, we have the crazy "Invisible Woman" invisible guy, Claire's dead-beat "Human Torch" mother..er but no stretchy guy and no Thing... so I guess it's up to Peter. Or he could just run away to Canada.

I predict French in next week's episode.

Man, good thing Doom called her off.

Okay, let's round up this sucker:

Boring Psychic Cop Guy is an idiot. I realize this is hardly new, but it bears repeating.

Mohinder took Molly the sleeping Moppet to the Company, even though MEG and I both told him this was a bad idea.

Jessica is trying to kill Nikki!! Nikki is unhappy about this turn of events and nearly escapes. She would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for Mohinder and his little taser.

Thanks a lot Mohinder.

Cool tv girl now has a comic book and her hero name: Copy Cat!! Although, just as she's getting cool, Mohinder shows up to disappear her for Company medical research.

Thanks a lot Mohinder. Jerk.

Turns out Sauron is more like George Costanza from Seinfeld. So now I will refer to him as Evil George. We also learn where Parkman (Boring Cop Guy) gets his winning personality and manly physique.

But he can trap people in their nightmares, which is pretty cool.

Next week: Hiro takes on an army!

Honestly, that's all I can remember from this episode. What parts did you guys like?

Heroes--Where's Hiro edition

This episode was one of Heroes trademark frustrating/annoying ones, featuring way too much Parkman and no Hiro at all. Alas. Alack.

Micah's grandma is Lt. Uhara! Yeah! She's so classy.

Micah steals pay per view, and we learn that his cousin has the coolest power ever. She can learn anything that she sees on tv. As a tv junkie, this appeals to me. I'd start with the food network, rent a few kung fu movies, then on to the history channel or discovery.

You could do ANYTHING.

Moutain Man Nate has kids. I totally forgot about them. He also shaved his beard. Thank heavens.

Ma Petrelli takes one for the team. I'm starting to see her as a kinder, gentler Magneto. We still have no idea what her power is though.

Molly the Moppet alternated between waking and sleeping, confusing everybody until, at one point, Mohinder put her to bed in jeans and a hoodie.

That just can't be comfortable. Seriously, have you ever tried sleeping in a hoodie?

Of course, thanks to Psychic Jerk she's now in a coma, and so will be unconscious for the foreseeable future.

I think that when they cast Molly, they brought in a bunch of little girls, had them lay down on mats, and then played "Graveyard" with the winner getting the part.

Boring Psychic Jerk Cop Guy (Parkman) discovers that his Dad is Sauron.

That Nerd Guy's name is Bob! It seems so appropriate.

Claire and Flyboy steal yet another iconic Superman image and kiss in the air. What's next Heroes? Jessicki in a patirotic leotard?

Mr. Evil Glasses can not die. I'm just ignoring that all stupid plot line. He Can't DIE!! Dang it!

The Wonder Twins replayed the exact same storyline they've played since the pilot.

It goes something like this:
Girl: We will get to America than everything will be great!
Boy: I'll protect you.
Girl: The murder charge is such a total bummer. It's not like a meant to hurt them, so it shouldn't count. Pass the pringles.
Boy: We're out.
Girl: *sniff sniff* *whimper* (Her eyes go all creepy black, people start dropping.)
Boy: Calm down! Soon we'll be in NY and you can have all the pringles you want!
(He holds her hands, they do that wierd black eye transfer, people start coming back to life.)

Rinse and repeat. I'm guessing we'll see this all the way up until the finale.


And in the night's most frustrating event:

Sylar walked through a tropical jungle for three days, before falling through a massive plot hole and landing in the middle of a road in the Mexican desert.

I'm so sick of Sylar. They should have killed him off last season. Let's ignore his storyline too and skip straight to the previews.

Next week: VERONICA MARS!!

Heroes-Superman Edition

Last night, on an all new Heroes:

Claire learns that she can never, ever, ever bring her flyboy home to meet her parents.

Peter joins the Irish mob, which is like The Godfather but with charming accents.

Mr. Kitty Pryde is dead!? While Parkman lives?! So not fair.

Speaking of Parkman, he seems to think he's 007, which is so sad it's almost funny.

Molly the Moppet wakes briefly to hug Mohinder, who didn't even have an impassioned speech to make this episode. Seriously, he's reached new levels of boring. He could at least change his outfit.

Jessicki is back, and starring in a plot line ripped straight from the X-Men. She goes to That Nerd Guy for a cure, but we all know he's just going to brainwash her into being his evil henchman.

That Nerd Guy also reads comics. I'm not sure, but I think it was The Adventures of Tintin.

The Wonder Twins are in Mexico, where Maya comes up with the brilliant strategy of walking into a police station, pulling down her wanted poster, and then announcing she's the murder everyone's been looking for.

Couldn't she have, oh I don't know, asked if her brother was there, thanked the man politely, then stepped outside to think about dead puppies, cry her tears of death, and then, after her rescued brother brings everyone back to life, escape while the confused police recovered?

But no, by all means, blow your cover and start a massive manhunt. That'll solve everything.

We finally get to see the true form of Illusion Girl, who learns that it's not a good idea to tease a psychopath.

Sylar can no longer steal powers. Ha Ha!!

He's also trapped in the middle of nowhere, after killing his only source of information. Double Plus Ha Ha!!

Heroes! *Spoilers**

Heroes--Promoting literacy through liberal use of subtitles.

In this episode, we not only had Japanese and Spanish speakers, but also some basic French as Mohinder poked through some Haitian housing.

The Haitian is back!! Yeah! Combined, once again, with Mr Bennett to bring back the evil cool.

Sorry That Nerd Guy, evil cool is just beyond you. It's not your fault. At least you have a nice evil study.

Boring psychic cop guy used his powers to trample all over Ma Petrelli's civil rights, and now I hate him even more.

Of course, our favorite ice queen not only lawyered up, but delivered a bene gesserit worthy mental smack down. Take that Mr. Thought Police!!

Poor Ma P. Not only did she get the red spot (the mysterious symbol of strange mystery is no longer mysterious or strange, alas) but was being killed slowly and painfully while trapped in the police interrogation room. Sulu just got pushed off a roof.

Yeah she got saved, but it still seems unfair. Although if she hadn't survived that would've been a wicked locked room mystery. Requiring the detective skills of either Sherlock Holmes, Mrs. Bradley, or Batman.

Not Mr. 5th Amendment? What 5th Amendment?!

Nate put on his lawyering suit but he still looks like the unabomber.

In an attempt to fix history, Hiro became his hero. I totally called it. He also had the best line of the show. "You should write this down in your history books! Battle of the Twelve Swords is a good name!"

Peter has spent the last four months hiding out in a gym. That's my guess anyway. He looks good with his shirt off.

He still has amnesia, but thanks to his Rescue-the-Damsel impulse, he now has access to his buffet table of powers. He's also in with the Irish mob. So that's nice.

There's still no sign of Jessicki, although Peter had her strength and her husband's phasing powers.

Molly the Moppet slept through this episode.

The wonder twins are almost to Mexico. It turns out that when separated from her brother, the girl goes into Inky Black Eyes of Death mode, killing anyone near her? Or possibly anyone she touches? But her brother can cancel her power out and/or restore the recently dead by ink.

So I guess as long as they're together everything should be fine.

Must make dating awkward.

Claire has taken up herpetology. Also, I hate to be a Debbie Downer here, but I refuse to believe that you can cut off a toe with a pair of household scissors.

When her pinky toe flew off, arcing through the air like a tiny pink dolphin, my only thought was "If Mr. Muggles runs off with that sucker I'm going to puke." Fortunately, my DVR cut off right after her toe grew back, so I was spared any pinky toe-dog shenanigans.

Heroes! Recap and Spoilers

Yesterday, we learned that Claire cannot make it through a single school day without critically injuring herself.

Also, nobody in SoCal knows who Darwin is.

When MEG (Noah) beat up his Dwight Shrute-esque manager using only his finger, how awesome was that?!!

Answer: It was totally awesome.

Mohinder remained refreshingly cool in his white linen suit with a soft lilac shirt. He also answered the age-old philosophy question, "What if you were to give a lecture in Cairo, and no one showed up?"

The new company man is That Guy. You know, the one that's doomed to play nerds for his entire acting career. In Sneakers, he was a toy nerd. In RadioLand Murders, he was a sound nerd. Anytime he shows up you say, "Hey! It's That Guy! He's always the nerd!"

Now he's the nerd with the golden touch.

Boring cop guy lives and is taking care of precocious little precog/visionary/creepy little mental girl Molly. All I have to say is, the creepy little mental girl in 4400 is so much better at this role.

Hiro is still in Japan, where he learns that his hero is actually a drunk Englishman. I'm guessing that this will lead to Hiro being the Hero that he always hero-worshipped, in order to fix history and restore the timeline.

Starfleet Captains can only dream of causing such temporal shenanigans.

They mysterious symbol of strange mystery was everywhere this episode, acting as sort of a black spot for Sulu and Ma Petrelli. It's also the symbol of the new big bad. Which shows up as a pair of evil glowey eyes and "I SEE YOU" growly lines right out of LOTR.

Whatever Sulu's powers were, they did not include flying or invulnerability.

Nate Petrelli is alive and looks horrible with his mountain man beard.

Peter Petrelli is alive and has been taken by Company, or the Irish mob, or someone, and is locked up in a cargo container on the "turd row." This bit of accented dialogue provided loads of entertainment at our house.

What did you guys think?

Heroes! Heroes! Heroes!

Since we're on the subject of tv:

The second season of Heroes starts tonight! Let's do a quick recap of where we left off, as I remember it.

Jessicki's okay, but Mr. Kitty Pryde was shot. I'm going to guess he's not dead though.

Sylar, who SHOULD be dead, isn't because every goofball in the plaza thought a sword in the chest was sufficient to kill him. Idiots.

Hiro has squinted himself to feudal Japan.

Boring Psychic Cop guy is still boring, and psychic, but also full of bullets. Alas, I'm going to hypothesize that he's not dead either. Mainly because I think I saw him in a preview.

Mr. Evil Glasses has a name, but I don't remember what it is.

The Petrelli brothers exploded beautifully in the night sky. I say Peter survives it, because in all the other alternate universes he survived it, but Nate is toast.

And in preview news:

Veronica Mars is joining the cast. Whether or not she will be playing a mutant teenage detective remains to be seen.

Heroes Finale-- Full of Spoilers

Was a wee bit anti-climatic really. It was still good though, so here's my recap.

DL spends the entire episode bleeding dramatically and dying slowly.

Jessicki knocks out illusion girl in one of the cooler sequences of the night. Go Jessicki!! Although I was a little disappointed in the fact that when Illusion Girl was unconscious, she reverted to her "hot girl" form. In previous eps, she implied that her original form had weight and image issues, so I was looking forward to seeing what she actually looked like.

Molly is a Google Earth in Little Girl Form. She also sets up next season's villian, (apparently an evil Prof X) which pretty much tells us, with a half hour to go yet, that Sylar won't be around slicing heads and what not.

Ma Petrelli turns her creepy evil grandma dial up to 11.

Claire makes a dramatic stand, then leaps out the window to escape Ma Petrelli in the second coolest event of the night.

Peter has a really bizarre dream/illusion/time travel sequence where he talks to a dead guy from the first half of the season that even the writers can't fully explain.

"What is this?"
"Does it matter?"

Apparently not.

Mohinder remains in his corporate zombie brown suit, although his usual idiocy was overshadowed by Boring Psychic Guy, who became Stupid Boring Psychic Guy by engaging Sylar in a game of Catch the Bullets and losing.

He thought he could just walk up an shoot him? Seriously? This bit of suicidal mind-boggling stupidity continues to boggle my mind today.

Seriously??!! Right. Drop it. Moving on.

Unfortunately, SBPG seems to have survived, despite the prescence of four rather large holes in his chest.

Mr. Evil Glasses is officially welcomed into the Good Guy Club by getting a name: Noah. I'll miss calling him MEG though.

So the big fight was a little lame. Hiro sticks Sylar and kills him, which makes it all the more frustrating that he was this easy to kill THE WHOLE TIME and there were all those other times when multiple people (Mohinder) could have popped a cap in his brain AGES ago and stopped all this Sylar nonsense back at "Save the Cheerleader."

So Hiro sticks Sylar and kills him. This prompted my inner Queen of Hearts as I yelled "Cut his head off!! For the love!! He's not really dead! Off With His HEAD!"

But did they listen to me? No.

Before Sylar dies he tosses Hiro into Feudel Japan, where he meets a samurai welcoming committee, and looks at a solar eclipse despite the fact that he doesn't have a little box with a hole in it to protect his retinas.

Your retinas Hiro!! They'll burn right off! Or something!

Nate Petrelli finally stops being such a lame weasel, and flies slodey-Peter high up into the atmosphere, finishing the season off with a lovely radioactive fireworks display.

That part was atually really cool. I wish they'd spent a little more time on the two brothers.

I think Nate is dead, but Peter will survive. In fact, when Hiro landed, I thought it was Peter returning to Earth.

What did you guys think?