Chapter Whatever

In which BSA has some truly sparkling dialogue.

“I say we head west” WW stated authoritatively, striking leadership pose #23 for dramatic effect.
BSA gave an aggrieved huff, the wolf version of “I told you so” and bounded westward through the drifts.
TA leapt from the tree top and rolled elegantly to the side of her teammates as they followed.
“So why do you think we should go west WW?” DFL queried, trying to keep her mind off her freezing feet.
“Well,” stated WW, “I really wanted to go South and search for penguins and/or polar bears, but then I remembered something my favorite cartographer professor used to tell us.”
“Oh? What was that?” TA asked.
“Go West, young man. Go West.”
DFL and TA shared a confused look.
“I think that might have been a history professor” TA replied at the same time DFL helpfully pointed out, “But you’re not a man.”
“I know that!” WW flushed a bright red as she spluttered “What I meant to say was that whenever I’m drawing maps west always seems easier for some reason. So logically, the west on this map should be the easiest direction as well.”
DFL raised her eyebrows, “Logically. Of course, how could it be any different?”
“Of course.” TA agreed (eyebrow status unknown due to ninja cowl.)
Just then our heroes came out of the trees and into a little glade, where a single black, iron lamppost brought the awkward conversation to a merciful end.
BSA was beside the lamp post, head high as she sniffed the wind intently. DFL and WW walked out to join her as TA continued to skulk along the tree line.
“Something about this place seems awfully familiar” TA said softly, “I don’t trust it.”
“You’re right. I know I’ve seen this before” DFL mused thoughtfully, “Hallmark greeting card?”
Suddenly, BSA’s growl rattled the peaceful glade, hackles raised as she crouched for an attack.
“What is it girl? What’s wrong” WW asked breathlessly.
“Bark BARK BARK wuff wuff bark bark BARK BARK!!”
“What’s that?! Little Timmy’s down the well!?!”
There was a quick squooching sound as BSA morphed back into her terrifying accountant form. She fixed WW with steely glare, “Don’t make me hurt you.” She sighed and looked at the other girls. “We’re surrounded by lawyers. Prepare yourselves.”
As if sensing her words, thick shadows spilled through the trees, surrounding the glade in an inky black circle. The shadows continued to pile on themselves until resolving into roughly humanoid shapes in power suits and armed with briefcases. Above the collar, the shadows swirled lazily in the rough approximation of a head.
“We are here to protect the intellectual property of the Disney Corporation and the C.S. Lewis estate. You will be sued. Resistance is futile.”
Under her mask TA blanched, “Oh crap. It was an accident, I swear!”
“Intent is irrelevant. You will cease and desist, or you will be destroyed.”
WW snapped her fingers, “I knew this looked familiar!”
With blinding speed TA flipped a shuriken at the lamppost, shattering the light.
“There!” She said triumphantly, now it’s a busted lamp post in the middle of a glade. That hasn’t been copyrighted!”
There was a brief silence as the shadows considered the now broken lamppost. They slowly began to melt away, their presence lingering watchfully in the darkness of the forest.
“Yeah, you better run!” BSA scoffed, “Nothing is scarier than an accountant!”
“I wonder what their rates are.” DFL wondered as visions of power danced in her head.
“Phew, that was close.” TA sighed.
“Well, I guess we should continue going west” WW said, picking her way through smashed glass across the glade.
However, our heroines’ westward trek was interrupted by the arrival of:

A: An attack squirrel
B: A woodsman
C: A faun in a long red scarf
D: This option is currently under construction. We apologize for any inconvenience.