Wed Funnies

They're a little darker than usual this week:

Taurus April 20 - May 20
You will be stunned this week when you suddenly realize that the Kenny Rogers song "The Gambler" can also be interpreted as a metaphor for the card- game of poker.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21
After all the commotion you caused, you'd better pray your wristwatch is found inside that poor cow's fourth and final stomach.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
You're prepared to go to any length to get your missing wife back—which is funny, as finding what remains of her will actually require you to go to any depth.

Best of the Rest:
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
The "Kick Me" sign so often taped to your back during your childhood and adolescent years will magically transform this week into something that is just simply implied.

Libra September 23 - October 23
Like a moth to a flame, you too will be strongly attracted, despite the nearly certain outcome, to a giant flame this week.

Leo July 23 - August 22
While the old rule of thumb that one dog year is equal to seven human years may sound a bit absurd, it does help explain how your Irish Terrier is able to get so much accomplished.

My personal favorite:
Cancer June 22 - July 22
Your attempts to give up smoking will cease when a new study released in The Journal of the American Medical Association reveals that a single cigarette could take as much as five minutes off your workday.

And just for BSA:
Pisces February 19 - March 20
You will finally stop referring to the nation's Midwest as the "fly-over states" this week during a tragic airplane ride from New York to Los Angeles.