Friday: 6.22.07
8:30: Report to ninja compound. Today's mission: To secure, copy, and fedex 12 sacred scrolls to their appropriate destinations.
9:30: Sensei stops by my desk to obtain status report.
Sensei: "So, how's that copy job coming."
Me (confused): "You haven't given me the scrolls yet."
Sensei: "I haven't?"
Obviously this part of a training mission where I have to sneak into his office and steal the scrolls. After that, it's simply a matter of giving the scrolls to the monks in the copy room.
10:00: Take advantage of compound reconstruction project to gain access to A/C vents. Use the vents to get into sensei's office from above.
10:15: Knife trap!
10:30: Enemy ninjas, or possibly, contractors, cut power to reception. Take advantage of resulting chaos to sneak scrolls to copy monks. A large wooden rabbit is reported at the front doors.
10:45: Internal memo approves fire bombing of enemy rabbit. Many enemy ninjas escape the rabbit's confines and assault the compound.
11:00: Power restored. Senior copy monk injured in ensuing fight with enemy ninja. Goes home sick. Dang it! I begin my hunt for the junior copy monk.
11:30: Sensei has stolen back the scroll.
12:00: Lunch
13:30: Scroll undergoes some serious revisions.
14:30: At last! Scroll is complete and ready for copying! Copy monk is at lunch. Dang it!
15:00: Copy monk returns. Together, we review the twisted, shattered remains of the binding machine. It has a rather large shuriken buried deep in its sparking innards.
Me: "Well, can we contract the copy job out?"
CM: "Sure. I have a contact with the monastary down the block. They have a team of copy monks standing by."
Me: "Sweet."
17:30: Sweet, sweet, overtime baby.
Saturday: 6.23.07
23:00: I'm 40 miles south of the city, so can anyone tell me where on earth all this traffic came from?! Shouldn't you people be at home? Or a bar?
23:30: The Mixing Bowl. An aggressive tractor-trailor cuts across four lanes to barrel up behind me. Judging at the rate his grill is filling up my rearview mirror I guess he's going at least 20mph faster than I am. In front of me is aforementioned traffic. I'm pondering my future as a charred grease stain on the highway when the ipod starts playing Patsy Cline.
Getting smashed by a semi to the accompanient of Old Country just seems appropriate somehow.
UPDATE: Here's an illustration of my adventure. If I was a Doctor Ninja racing from zombies with my gorilla secretary behind the wheel and my Bandito sidekick providing backup. Dr. McNinja vs a Semi
24:00: Made it home. Yeah Me!!
3 comments:
You crack me up. You really should think about writing a book or something. People out in the world could use some laughter that is if they are smart enough to get it.
Hah. I'll be sure to contact you for my cover blurbs. :)
Can we write up the contracts now??
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