Thursday Horoscopes!

Once again it's time for:

The Dr. Eldritch HOROSCOPE OF MYSTERY!

This week features unfortunate roaming charges for me, and pirates for the Geminis.

Yesterday, on ITLAPD, I was on the metro reading Piratica by Tanith Lee (a fun YA book) and the guy who sat next to me was wearing an honest-to-goodness black eye patch.

I really wanted to say something along the lines of "Ahoy there Matey, argh!" but I didn't, because he seemed really nice.

For a metro pirate.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your astrological forecast for September 18 – 24th, 2007 is as follows:

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19): You know how the "Second Sight" allows one to see a glow around those who will soon meet Death? Pluto's track will briefly give you the "Other Second Sight," letting you see who has overdue library books. Use your power wisely! A Pisces sees something more clearly.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18): Have you been carefully searching through newspapers and magazines looking for hidden messages specifically for you? Stars indicate this is a good week to do so! Prime numbers may be a key. Your forecasts for a Capricorn are dead-on.

PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20): Waiting for your ship to come in? Fame? Fortune? Screaming fans, fabulous success and awards from your peers? Well, not this week. You might get some free shampoo samples in the mail, though. Trust a Leo's memory.

ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19): Need a break? A cross-dimensional portal will allow you to frolic in a pleasant fantasy dimension. If you're too "experienced" to ride a unicorn, you can still entice them with cookies. They like minty chocolate ones. A Sagittarius shows up late.

TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20): Sunspots! High levels of activity may twist the fabric of time so you get a phone call from the early 1900's. Chance of fascinating historic insight, but your caller will probably just be cranky that you're not Erma the Operator. Roaming charges may apply. Consult a Gemini for prophesies.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20): Careful with the costumes this week; putting on an outfit may enchant you to take on the character for real! Sure, it's fun to be a pirate, but the authorities take a dim view of plundering, and pillaging is right out. Verify news from a Capricorn.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22): Family and friends behaving secretively? Do conversations stop when you enter the room? They're either planning a surprise party, an intervention, or perhaps conspiring against you. Your mortal enemy may be in play… A Pisces predicts your future.

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22): A heavily-tattooed woman reveals the whereabouts of the missing idol, but a professor of advanced mathematics is working with the bagpipers to thwart your plans. (That's what the stars say, anyway. Does this make any sense to you?) A Taurus waxes poetic.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22): Clever thinking pays off! If you're ever going to have access to Time Travel in the future, you'll send a message back to yourself, and it will arrive this week. Check your mailbox! Listen carefully to an Aquarius.

LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22): Tired of your routine? Tempted to leave civilization and live with a tribe of indigenous people in a distant land? Try camping for a month in your backyard first, and see how much you miss TV and refrigeration. Share luck with an Aries!

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21): We're sorry, the Stars are too busy to give a detailed forecast right now, but they did leave these suggestions: Check your math! Wear a hat! No biting! Up to you to figure out when these apply… Forgive a Leo for gloating.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21): Avoid any strange glowing objects on the ground this week. Touching one may cause you to grow to about 37' tall. That may sound great, but it's actually quite inconvenient. Got any pants with a 18' inseam? A Gemini is in your dreams.