Since it’s getting warm out, and since my Krav class has yet to turn on the a/c, I thought I’d better bust my workout capris from storage.
They were a little clingier than I remembered, but I figured, “Hey, there’s a hot guy in class. Clingy could work for me.” The capris even match my knee brace, which sticks out a good 5 inches.
I still have to wear a massive brace. But I digress.
As our warm up got going, I noticed that the sweatier I got, the clingier my pants became. Which is how, somewhere in the middle of 30 push-ups, I suddenly wondered if I had a visible panty line.
This was a new sensation for me. It was very disturbing, especially since you’d think I’d be worrying more about push-ups or something. I mean, I was sweating heavily and bits of my hair were curling out my pony tail in their best Medusa impression, so I don’t see why a minor fashion infraction should suddenly be so upsetting. But it was. And now I have to buy new pants.
It’s all DFL’s fault. I didn’t even know what a visible panty line (VPL) was until I lived with her. I have spent most of my life in happy fashion oblivion.
Flashback! I was one of those kids who wore the same shirt every single day until, in desperation, my mother snuck into my room one night, stole it, and then cut it up into tiny pieces. This was one of my earliest exposures to devious ninja tricks.
So, back to the horrors of VPL, which is to be avoided at all costs. Because man, when you’re in the middle of a work out, there’s not a whole lot you can do it about it at that point.
Based on scientific observation of the reactions of fashionistas to VPL, and grading those reactions on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is “The Hotness” and 10 is “Projectile Vomiting” with a separate graded scale each for Disgust, Contempt, and Horror, and then factoring in the additional vectors of Age, Weight, and Outfit to the equation, I would say that sporting a VPL is the fashion equivalent of walking around with an enormous booger peeking out of your nose.
(Why Corbeau, have you been reading scientific journals at work again?
Yes. Yes I have.)
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5 comments:
time to buy a thong! :)
It's nice we don't have to worry about vpl most of the time.
okay. for real, this is like, the biggest pet peeve of my LIFE!
Buy a Thong! They are only uncomfortable for like, 5 minutes, I SWEAR!
and then, get a ton of those totally cute boy shorts. you can get them in lycra, cotton, lingere lace - and they don't leave an underwear line and you have less wedgie problems than regular underwear!
there's also Spanx, but you probably don't need/want those. It's like wearing control top hose from the knee up. (but, no panty lines...) :)
this is your chance to change the world, corbeau! One vpl at a time!
Your are going to be scared for life. Have fun.
I never used to worry about them at all.
Thong+ roundhouse kick repetitions= ouchies?
That just seems like it would hurt.
heeheeheeheehee. I am so proud! Wook at my widdle TA all gwowed up! I agree with the boy shorts, they're pretty comfortable.
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