Heroes Recap: The Dire Future

I miss when Heroes was an action series and not a bizarre soap opera.

So most of this episode took place 4 years in the future, so we can all get an idea of the horribleness that everyone is supposed to prevent.

IN THE FUTURE:

Claire is evil, and has dyed her hair brown to prove it. Really Heroes? Why not go all the way and just give her an evil goatee to go with it?

Since I just dyed my hair "truffle," you may now call me Evil Corbeau.

Evil Claire kills Future Peter by shooting him. With a normal handgun. In the chest. And he dies. Despite the fact that he got Claire's healing/immortality in Season 1, and has survived falling off buildings, being shot, electrocuted, a full on power shoot out with Sylar, having sharp pointy things jammed in his head and oh yeah, a Freaking NUCLEAR EXPLOSION, he dies from a couple of rounds.

While Future Peter lies improbably dead, Present Peter and Evil Claire spend the rest of the episode having angst filled conversations.

Before Future Peter dies, he tells Present Peter that to stop the badness, he needs to find Future Sylar and take his brain eating powers. I can hear you now. "But Corbeau," you're saying, "that just doesn't make any sense at all!"

Future Sylar is spending the future as Mr. Cleaver, complete with cute Leave it to Beaver moppet. Peter gets Sylar's power, and the Moppet gets killed by Evil Claire and her gang. Sylar goes splodey, taking a good chunk of California with him.

OH YEAH, sigh. Apparently, Sylar really is the secret Petrelli sibling that no one ever knew about. Soon, everyone in this show is going to be a member of the Petrelli clan. It's like that run in the X-men where every other high power mutant turned out to be related to Cyclops.

I don't like this, since it turns the global crisis into an inter-family squabble.

NEXT Season, On Heroes: The World is destroyed when Sylar brings blueberry pie to Thanksgiving dinner, even though he knows that Peter HATES blueberry. Can Hiro make it to the past and save the world, armed only with his wits and a recipe for pumpkin?

Sorry. Back to the recap:

Speedy chick has given up her punk/art thief ways, her condo in Paris, and adventurous lifestyle for the fat psychic cop, a cramped NY apartment, and a bad hair cut. I don't buy it. How on earth does the speedster wind up with the cop? Where did the maternal drive come from? Is love truly THAT blind?

And speaking of eye-sores, Mohinder has turned himself into a newt. He spends most of the episode scuttling behind objects, but based on the scales and slime he's creating in the present, I expect that Sigourney Weaver will soon be along with a flame thrower to finish him off.

So Present Peter has Sylar's power and 'hunger' and does the forehead cutting thing with Nate, who then improbably dies, despite the fact that Peter didn't finish scalping him. Present Peter returns to the present, and got into a name calling contest with Sylar about who was the bigger monster.

Let's see, did anything else happen?

Oh yeah, Ice girl found out the Mad Scientist who created her was funded by The Company, that there was no stopping her powers, and then she tried to kill herself by jumping off a bridge, but Nathan flew in and saved her.