Whoa!!

I almost saw a guy get pancaked today on 95. Some poor brave, desperate soul booking it across four lanes of interstate traffic with a gas can.

He barely made it, but I had that awful sinking feeling when you know you're about to see something horrible but can't really do anything about it.

Bleh.

So I totally missed recapping Heroes last week! Sorry about that. A short week shouldn't be that stressful, but my work managed to stuff 8 days worth of stress into 4 long days.

Let me see if I can remember.

Claire continued down her dark, angsty path of teenage disaffectedness. This involved a weird side story where she tried to collar a villian who was just misunderstood! He created swirling black holes of doom into another dimension and accidentally sucked people through.

So Claire felt all bad for him and then like her Dad totally showed up with like Sylar! Total Grossness!! And then like Claire totally wigged out because her Dad was like totally clueless about her serious heavy baggage but then he was like "Oh I just brought Sylar here so he could be sucked into a black hole!" and she's like "Dad, that's so not cool!" and then Sylar was like "Dude. Even though I'm back here by the car, I have like total super hearing, so I can hear you plotting. my death." and then the vortex man was like, "I'm so sick of this plot that I'm going to suck myself away!"

And then he did.

Spider-Mohinder, in an attempt to hasten Sigourney Weaver's guest appearance, is webbing people into cocoons, including weepy-death girl, despite the fact that last season she killed everyone within 5 miles anytime she saw a Hallmark commercial. The fact that somehow she couldn't even take out freaking Mohinder is just annoying.

I just want to point out that Sigourney Weaver guest starred on Eli Stone this week, so my SW theory here is highly plausible, and would make Heroes awesome.


Speaking of Hiro, he and Ando continued acting like total morons, ending with Hiro stabbing Ando for reasons I couldn't bring myself to care enough to try and understand.

But if Ando is really dead, I'm done with this show. You hear me Heroes?!! I will recap Pushing Daisies!! An awesome show with clever writing, satisfying storylines, and quotable lines!

Let's see, what else happened. Claire's mom, in an attempt to save Claire from her own teenage drama stupidity, went after another villain "The PuppetMaster" just in case Claire went there to make her dramatic bounty hunter statement.

However, she was full of fail, and is now being held captive by a creepy, fat, balding guy in a wifebeater.

Oh yeah! Parkman's annoying Dad is the one pulling all the strings by projecting the dead evil dude into everyone's brains, but he's actually working for Peter Petrelli's Dad, who's some sort of super-powerful psychic but also a bed-bound vegetable, in a total ripoff of Professor X.